


A losing plan

by phoenixrebirth88



Series: Saving you, saving me [1]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2020-05-28 11:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19392886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixrebirth88/pseuds/phoenixrebirth88
Summary: 'I remember your voice.'It were those words that caused it all. The real question here was whether or not the end to that confusing statement was a good or a bad one ...Reader x Heero





	1. Chapter 1

“[Name]!” 

You turned around, your narrowed eyes soon spotting Lucy. The small girl – no older than twenty, but who knew for sure – frantically waved her hand as she demanded your attention. 

“What’s wrong, Lucy?”

Lucy came to a stop not two feet from you, her hands on her knees and her back bent. Her breaths were fast and uncontrolled. You frowned. She seriously needed to start training harder if she wished to participate in the upcoming Junkyard Triathlon. 

“He … woke up,” Lucy panted. 

Your eyes widened and your heart lurched with anticipation and worry. Finally! 

“I …”

You hesitated, shooting Denzel a quick look. The man had requested your presence for a reason and you two were still far from done. Denzel shook his head, clearly knowing how much this meant to you. Had it been that obvious? 

“Go, [Name],” Denzel told you, his hand gently squeezing your shoulder. You frowned, still reluctant to leave him. “Lucy can help with the rest.”

Lucy perked up at the chance of being helpful. You sighed and shook your head. 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” you promised him. 

“Take your time. We can handle ourselves. Right, Lucy?”

“Right!” Lucy enthusiastically responded. 

The nearly fond smile lifting Denzel’s lips spoke volumes about his affection towards Lucy. You grumbled something about old fools and their need to prove the world wrong. Denzel would make sure that Lucy stayed safe since that girl was like the daughter he never had. He had to make sure she stayed safe – no matter what he had originally planned for today. 

The moment you reached the hallway, you started running. Your leg cramped up - not ten seconds into your mild jog - but you ignored the slowly growing pain. Time had screwed you over – that and the illegal fighting ring run by a bustard named Ichie Sasaki - and you hated that you weren’t in as great a condition as you had once been. You gritted your teeth and kept your strides even and mild. There was no point in ruining your muscles further, but you stubbornly refused to slow down. 

“[Name],” Levi greeted flatly. 

The man – though an amazing medic – lived without a single emotion interfering with his life. Although the fleeting flash of anger or irritation could appear, Levi was a master of staying level-headed no matter the circumstances. It also made him appear cold to many of your fellow outcasts.

“Levi,” you greeted semi-breathlessly. 

Levi frowned, his eyes instantly assessing your leg and how you moved it as you walked the last few feet. 

“I’m fine,” you harshly stated, experience having taught you what the man was thinking. 

“If you say so,” Levi drawled, clearly not convinced. You rolled your eyes. 

“I’m not here for another lecture,” you dared warn him.

Heaven forbid the man from actually delivering one today. Levi sighed, shook his head, and turned around. 

“Follow me,” he merely ordered. 

You raised an eyebrow, wondering what had gotten into him. Levi was never this compliant and he never gave up without a fight. 

“He woke up not five minutes ago. He’s still mostly dazed – which is a good thing,” the man drawled absentmindedly.

Levi stopped at a black door that had clearly seen better days and your insides clenched both with anticipation and anxiety at what reached you through the door. 

“Stop it!” Maureen – Levi’s assistant and his unofficial second-in-command in the medical wing – yelled with as much authority as she could, the voice slightly muffled due to the thickness of the door. 

You shot Levi a foul look. 

“I thought you said he was still dazed.”

“That was five minutes ago.”

“Damn it, Levi! I warned you to be careful with him!”

“Next time be more accurate,” Levi shot back, his own tone deepening with irritation. 

Great. You were pissing of the only man that could get you your monthly supply of pain meds. When you entered the room, Maureen was struggling to hold down Heero. The man was likely to break her arms if you let this continue on for much longer.

“Stop it right this instant!” 

Your voice boomed through the room, freezing both occupants. While Maureen looked at you with a mixture of near desperation and relief, Heero merely seemed slightly surprised and more than a little wary. 

“[Name],” Maureen pleaded with a look towards Heero. 

You nodded at her and she instantly released Heero’s shoulders. Her efforts in trying to hold him down had been in vain and you preferred not to tempt fate - or Heero’s tolerance for personal boundaries - any longer. 

“[Name]?” Heero repeated softly as if he was testing a name that sounded familiar. 

Your gaze met his, knowing the man couldn’t recognize you. Your paths had never crossed and you’d made a conscious effort to avoid him at all cost once your sister earned her place at his side.

“Heero Yuy,” you spoke, addressing the man in front of you with his full name. Those still slightly dazed blue eyes narrowed with suspicion. He most likely thought you were his enemy and you couldn’t even find any fault in the logic. “Is there any reason why you are tearing down the only decent room we have for medical emergencies?” you questioned sharply.

Sharp blue eyes took in the peeling wallpaper, dusty corners, and flickering lights overhead. It was clear he didn’t approve of your description nor was he certain what to make of it.

“Where am I?” Heero demanded.

Maureen slipped past you, her quick steps a clear sign that Heero had spooked her in the little time she had been forced to spend with him. You were already dreading what she would tell the others. Rumors had a tendency to spread like wildfire around here. Levi turned around as well, closing the door behind him. It was just you and Heero now. When Heero merely kept staring at you with narrowed eyes, you knew he was going to give you a headache. 

“You’re on Earth,” you offered him.

“Earth?” 

He seemed surprised by that. Given the fact that your team had found him on a transport truck that had just arrived from the nearest airport, it shouldn’t have been a surprise to him - unless he had lost more memories of the last few days than you thought possible. 

“Yeah. In Cologne to be precise.” The name of the city didn’t seem to ring a bell, but you knew the man had a perfect poker face. If he didn’t want you to realize he knew what you were talking about, you never would. It was both an admirable and an annoying trait about him. “What do you remember?” you finally sighed, wanting to play it safe for now.

Those Prussian blue eyes darkened with distrust and you scoffed. It seemed that four years hadn’t made him more trusting of his surroundings or the people in it. Perhaps you should’ve listened to Denzel when he’d suggested that someone else handle this guy. Kayla, however, had recognized the connection you had vehemently denied having and had quickly ascertained that you - and only you! -were to be Heero’s first point of contact in the yard. You sighed at the memory even if you understood her reasoning. Any type of interaction with law enforcers was still pretty much avoided around these parts. The fact that most employees of this junk yard were outcasts hadn’t helped in calming down the rising tensions Heero’s sudden appearance had caused. 

“You’re not going to tell me, are you?” you questioned with a suffering sigh. A softly shaking hand rose to brush back a stray strand of hair that was stubborn enough to slip out of your badly done ponytail. Heero’s eyes seemed to follow the movement and you simply shook your head. “We found you in one of our transport trucks and I’m not even sure I want to know what type of mess you got tangled up with this time.” 

You knew he wasn’t an active agent anymore – or at least your sister had proudly told you that he’d retired from fieldwork for her – but that didn’t mean that he still couldn’t get himself in trouble. Were they even still together? You weren’t sure, considering most guys didn’t last more than two weeks at her side. 

“Hn.”

Your lips pulled slightly downwards. In your eyes Heero had always been a hard to deal with bastard. You could never fully figure him out - no matter how hard you tried – and you had tried vigorously at one point in time.

“You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?” you sighed sadly.

Heero’s lips formed a thin line, the lingering hazy glint in his eyes disappearing further the longer you remained in the room with him. You grumbled something incoherent – which consisted mostly out of some very profound curse words – and walked toward a nearby stool. Your leg was acting up after your semi-run earlier and you weren’t inclined to show Heero your recently acquired weakness. Somehow the idiotic wish to only show strength when he was around was still as strongly ingrained in you as your long denied feelings for him were.

“I know you,” Heero suddenly murmured, catching you off-guard.

You froze, not even halfway to the stool. Narrowed eyes shifted towards Heero as you cursed yourself a fool. You should’ve taken into account the possibility of him remembering you to some degree. 

“Possibly,” you ventured softly.

Heero’s distrust rose with your vague answer. You chuckled lightly, though there was nothing remotely funny about the situation.

“Whether you know me or not doesn’t matter,” you managed to stay nonchalantly.

“It matters to me.”

The strangely heated words made you hesitate. There was no reason for him to act like that. You were not that noticeable back in the day – not even to him – and he had no reason to suddenly feel any type of familiarity towards you.

“Why?”

Heero hesitated. It was a sight you hadn’t expected to see, one that seemed to tug at your heart. 

“I remember your voice,” Heero stated instead.

You stared at him for all of a second. Then, you laughed. Heero, however, didn’t appreciate your amusement. 

“Forgive me, but not many people tell me they remember me _for my voice_ ,” you quickly spoke up, hoping to calm his obviously rousing anger.

“I haven’t heard it in a long time,” Heero pensively continued, ignoring your lame attempt to placate him. His eyes narrowed in thought and you felt slightly uneasy under that much scrutiny. “It changed, but I’d recognize it anywhere.”

“You truly want me to believe that you recognize my voice?” you questioned calmly, raising a disbelieving eyebrow. 

“Yes.”

The very idea was absurd, but at least the man was consistent in his belief. Maybe you should just drop it - there were other things that needed to be discussed after all - yet something about this situation intrigued you.

“Then I hope it’s in connection to something good.” 

It wasn’t an outright question – which you were better off without asking considering you wanted to maintain a certain degree of distance – but you couldn’t hide the curiosity in your voice. Heero’s eyes turned slightly unfocused. What was he thinking back to? 

“Sometimes it is,” he softly stated. 

You blinked, not having expected him to offer you a reply – especially not something as vague as that. 

“And the other times?” you pushed. Heero’s gaze turned sharp, his eyes once more cold and distant. You should’ve never pressed onwards. “Never mind,” you murmured quickly with a soft shake of your head. It wasn’t worth it. “How about we focus on what matters?” 

Something in your voice – or perhaps in the way you framed the question – didn’t sit well with him. You ignored the slight frown and unhappy glint in his eyes as he grunted in either dismissal or agreement. 

“Hn.”

Your lips briefly twitched as you thought back to the way you’d met him, even though your interactions with him through the aid of a radio had been brief and far in between. Rani - your five year younger sister - her stories were the only other source of information you had back then and you weren’t above admitting that those stories were super biased. The girl had been half in love with him from the first second she laid eyes on him – as had been half of the female population at Preventers. 

You unconsciously glanced at the man lying on the bed not that far from you. Heero’s torso – or what you could make out beneath all that gauze and bandages – was discolored with dark purple and yellow bruises that reminded you too much of old times. He may not be able to recognize you fully, but you had spend many times coaxing him through yet another retrieval or extraction mission. He had never acknowledged you back then, but perhaps the fact that he did recognize your voice – as he so heatedly had defended – hinted at some awareness of your presence back then. 

“What were you doing in our truck?” you questioned suddenly, your voice soft yet unyielding. It was best to focus on what mattered now rather than get lost in memories of a past you would never return to. The increasing tension in Heero’s body told you that he was more than unwilling to answer you. “It can’t be because you were investigating something,” you thoughtfully murmured. Your eyes never looked away from those narrowed, intensely guarded blue ones. “The last I heard, you weren’t an active agent anymore.”

For a brief second, you thought he would give you some hint to what he was thinking. Then, the moment disappeared and you were reminded that the man before you was as good as a stranger. You sighed. Why had you thought you could hold a decent conversation with him?

“Look, all I need to know is whether or not we should call Preventers and tell them where to find you.”

“You didn’t yet?”

“And risk giving another chance at whoever did that to you?” you sourly questioned with an aggravated hand gesture towards his badly bruised body. You shook your head. “Besides, Levi is a very accomplished medic. He was confident he could treat your wounds, so we left it at that.”

Heero experimentally flexed his hand, his muscles bulging as he did so. The gauze wrapped around his upper arm – where the fresh entrance wound of a bullet had been discovered – began discoloring slightly. Heero didn’t seem too perturbed with it, but you quickly admonished yourself for that thought. Just because there were rumors of the man’s ability to set a broken leg and walk it off like it was nothing, didn’t mean that he didn’t feel the pain. 

“You should stop that,” you cautioned serenely. 

In an instant, Heero stopped testing the extent of his movements. You blinked, not having expected him to actually listen to you. 

“It is you,” Heero muttered. 

His words were barely audible, but they made you wary. His gaze lost most of the guarded light, those beautiful blue orbs becoming warmer as they silently searched for a proper response to a question he hadn’t even asked. The silence stretched between you both, but it felt different than before – which only made you feel awkward and afraid. 

“Eum … So the question remains. Do we contact Preventers or not?”

A knock on the door derailed any answer Heero could’ve shot your way. 

“Enter,” you quickly called out, happy for the interruption. 

The creaking of the door made you cringe. For a fleeting second, the barely forgotten memories of cages opening and closing combined with the painful moaning of the wounded rushed through your mind. You held your breath as you stared at a scene from your past, one that was far from real yet still consumed you entirely. Your heart accelerated, your muscles stiffening in preparation for what was to come. 

“[Name]?”

You blinked a few times, dispelling the latest image of a sinister smile and rotting teeth. You shivered. The lingering cold touch of a past best forgotten was always hard to get rid of. As you realized you had taken an all too familiar defensive stance – most likely in preparation to a fight that wasn’t coming – you tried to downplay it. You quickly sat down and pretended nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

“I’m fine,” you whispered automatically. 

The tense silence belied the newcomer’s unease and concern. Your flashes might have been growing fewer and farther in between, but that didn’t mean they lost any severity in their outcome. You forced your lips upwards, shooting a wane smile at Lucy. 

“I thought you were with Denzel,” you pointed out as you stared at worried black eyes. 

“I was, but … something went wrong and -”

“Denzel?!” you quickly questioned, your voice belying your sudden panic. 

Lucy shook her head. 

“He’s fine.”

You slumped forward slightly, your relief palpable. Heero watched you with growing curiosity.

“It’s nothing big, but he did shortcut the fuses. I still say it’s all Kayla’s fault.”

You snorted. If Kayla was involved then everything that could go wrong would go wrong - especially in regards to Denzel’s projects. The old fool was infatuated with her to the point of being the lovesick moron he had once called you. That, however, didn’t mean that their arguments couldn’t turn very ugly very fast.

“Probably,” you murmured in agreement, already rubbing at your temples. Those two would one day cause your brain to fry from all the headaches they gave you.

“They were arguing quite fiercely when I left and I thought that if anyone could set them straight it was you,” Lucy softly stated.

Her eyes darted towards Heero. You saw how she eyed the bare torso with obvious appreciation. How many times had you watched this process? Women always admired Heero’s physique. You had done the same, too - until you realized you weren’t his type.

“Tell him I’ll be there shortly.”

“You sure?” Lucy absentmindedly questioned. 

You raised an inquisitive eyebrow and Lucy seemed to catch herself. She flushed bright red, her hand rubbing awkwardly at her neck. 

“I-I mean. I can look after our guest and that would free up your time, so …”

She looked so eager to spend time with Heero that you were reminded of your own sister again. 

“Perhaps he would agree. Well, Heero? A change in attendant could be beneficial to your quest for information. Lucy would tell you things I would never dream of.”

Which was a danger on itself, but at least the girl wouldn’t be able to reveal too much concerning your past. The same couldn’t be said about you if you stayed here much longer. Heero had a habit –as it now appeared – to make you reveal things you normally wouldn’t. You hadn’t said too much yet, but you feared what could happen if you tempted fate. Lucy seemed unaware of your hidden intentions, staring at Heero with eager eyes. 

You smiled softly – almost sadly even – as you kept your own gaze focused on Lucy. She reminded you so much of your sister. She, too, had been eager to spend every second she could in Heero’s presence. Your pensive state didn’t go unnoticed. 

“No,” Heero simply stated, his gaze never looking away from you.

Lucy’s smile fell away. The brusque refusal had dashed her hopes. She tried to play it off, her shoulders lifting in an attempt to portray a brave front. Knowing her resilience to rejection – one she portrayed on many occasions – you knew she would undoubtedly try again later today or tomorrow at the latest. 

“Tell Denzel to pick another project to work on. I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason the argument started in the first place.” Kayla had voiced her reluctance to taking on a certain project. She had been vexing about it to Denzel almost every day, but the man stubbornly held on to his ideas. “And tell Kayla to take her issues up with me tonight at dinner. I’m sure that’ll please her to some extent.”

“Okay,” Lucy muttered, her nose scrunching up. 

No one liked to tell Denzel that his chosen project was in danger of falling through – not to mention that those two were quite hard to interrupt once they started fighting. You shook your head as Lucy turned and walked away. You waited until she closed the door behind her before you turned back towards Heero. 

“Well, let’s get back to our lovely inquisition.”

Heero let the barb slide and you felt the need to make another one just for the hell of it. He kept watching you with a certain light in his eyes that you had seen once before when you’d walked in on a quite public scene in the gym. Back then, he had been very keen on getting answers from a young agent. Of course – though you weren’t sure how long exactly it had taken – Heero had easily made the girl crack up and spill all he wanted to know. Back then, you had admired him for it. Now, however, it made you feel uneasy to have that specific look focused on you now. 

“Just ask already,” you muttered, your own eyes flickering to the side. 

“You’re not what I expected.”

Eh? You frowned. What was that supposed to mean?

“Come again?”

“I never forget a voice. Four years ago there were two [Last Name]’s working at Central Command. You share the same voice.”

Many people told you that. Back in the day – when you and your sister had been younger and still living together under one roof – many of Rani’s boyfriends had started sweet talking you over the phone because they thought you were your sister. It had not been pleasant experiences - especially when you interrupted them with the truth. 

“As is common with sisters.”

“So you are [Name] [Last Name],” Heero merely stated.

You gritted your teeth, suddenly hating what your name sounded like coming from your lips.

“Used to be, yes. Though here I’m just known as [Name]. Nothing less, nothing more.”

Even Denzel, Kayla, or even Lucy had never mentioned their surnames. Mostly everyone in this small business were outcasts of some kind, therefore surnames weren’t necessary.

“Your sister has been searching for you,” Heero dared point out.

“More than likely,” you shot back emotionlessly which made Heero’s gaze narrow.

“You don’t want her to find you?”

You and Rani had a complicated relationship, which had only gotten further complicated when she had shown her obvious interest in Heero. The only way you could protect her from the evil you encountered four years ago was to remain hidden from her and anyone else you once knew. Besides, you were still mad at her for taking the one thing you had ever wanted to fight her for. Keeping away from the life you’d left made you less bitter than you wanted to admit to being.

“No, I don’t,” you simply stated and left it at that. The grim quality of your voice conveyed your feelings about the topic - it was best to drop it – which caused Heero’s interest to rise. That slight frown belied his curiosity. An aggravated hand motion – which meant nothing at all – made it clear that you weren’t sure how to convey your thoughts. “It’s best for everyone involved that no one finds me.”

“Yet you made yoursel f known to me.”

“Not by choice,” you bitterly stated. 

A strange mixture of irritation and worry flashed in Heero’s eyes. You shook your head. It was best to end this conversation right here. The less he knew about you, the better. 

“Look, you need your rest and I –”

“Don’t!” You stopped – having just stood from your small stool and taken three steps towards the door. Unbelievable enough you actually felt inclined to listen to Heero’s brusque order. “Don’t go,” Heero elaborated at your stumped stare. It was still as much an order as the last one, regardless of the tone he’d used.

“You don’t tell me what to do!” you warned him.

Heero actually tried to get up when you showed signs of disobeying him. He grunted with the effort, finally betraying that his wounds were more taxing and painful than he wanted you to believe earlier. 

“Oh for the love of …”

You took three angry strides before you reached Heero’s bedside, but once there, you hesitated to reach out. Both hands were frozen in mid-air. The man had been known for personal boundary issues. You remembered one specific rumor about him breaking someone’s nose just because the man had tried to restrain him during an extraction. 

The decision on whether or not to touch him was ultimately taken from you as Heero reached out and tightly grasped your wrist. You gasped in surprise as he pulled you towards him with surprising strength. You had not been expected that.

“Let me go!” you worriedly told him, your mind jumping towards other moments in time when you’d been manhandled like this.

“Stay,” Heero repeated the order. 

“Why? You can trust the people here. They won’t harm you. Me staying serves absolutely no purpose.”

“It serves mine!”

You were stumped. Your past interactions may have always been through a radio transmitter, but even then Heero had never showed this much passion about something. 

“Which is what exactly?” you hesitantly questioned, wary of the meaning behind his words.

There was a certain light in those eyes that shone brighter for a few heartbeats. It made you nervous, even though you couldn’t explain what it meant or how it could affect you. Heero’s lips formed a grim line, his stubbornness shining through in that single action. He had something in mind and he was going to get it. You feared the moment he would reach his goal.

“If you stay, I’ll give you an answer.” 

“What?” you questioned breathlessly, once more caught off guard by his words.

“Do we have a deal?” Heero questioned, refusing to repeat his offer.

Did he really expect you to stay in return for a stupid answer? The longer you stared at him, the more you were convinced that he did.

“No!”

He didn’t like your refusal. You tried to pull away, but only succeeding in knocking down a box on the nearby table. How can he be so strong? He should still be half sedated from whatever Levi shot down his system!

“What is going on in here?!”

The door opened seconds after Maureen’s voice reached you and it’s loud collision with the wall made an earlier memory – the image of your cell opening and slamming against the side – return with a vengeance. You lost your sense of time and place. All you were aware of was that your wrist was caught in Sasaki’s grip. Your breathing sped up as you fought to control your fear. A sliver of unease raced down your spine as you fought the memory, quickly closing your eyes in hopes of dispelling the image. It didn’t work. You kept seeing Sasaki, kept hearing the helpless moans of pain and misery from the other fighters. It was hard to remember that this wasn’t real, that he couldn’t hurt you anymore.

“[Name]!”

Your eyes shot open, your hand – which was now entirely back to your own disposal – gingerly touching your aching cheek. Worried brown eyes searched your own as Maureen tightly held your shoulders. 

“You back with us?” she questioned softly. 

You nodded your head, your body slightly shaking in Maureen’s hold. She clicked her tongue in contempt as she shot a brief look towards the door. 

“Denzel should fix that door.”

“It wasn’t the creaking, Maureen,” you whispered weakly.

“Then what was it?” 

You didn’t meet her inquiring gaze. She humped and you figured that she was blaming Heero for it. Somehow, you really didn’t like that. 

“The banging of the door caught me off-guard,” you whispered sourly, forcing her to stop glaring at Heero.

“Oh … I … I’m sorry, but …”

“I know.”

You didn’t hold it against her, but the entire memory had left you slightly shaken and you just wanted to get away from it all. 

“It’s okay, [Name],” Maureen whispered as she gently placed her hand on your shoulder. You flinched, even though you had been ready for the contact. You didn’t dare look up in fear of seeing that look in her eyes again. “I’m sure you have other things to worry about. I can look after this one for the next few hours.”

You quickly nodded your head and left the room. Heero didn’t object and you were sure it was because of your episode. What did he think of you now?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been long awaited for, but it's finally here. Chpater 2 is up and running!

“It happens to the best of us, [Name],” Denzel muttered as he focused on the engine block in front of him. 

“I don’t care if it does. All I’m saying is that it shouldn’t have happened to me.”

And you were pissed because it had. That engine was worth a lot - and you had botched it completely.

“Which tells me that you weren’t focusing on the job,” Denzel shot back with a brief look thrown your way. You couldn’t exactly contradict him on that. Your mind had been going over your earlier conversation with Heero. That and the fact that when Kayla had visited – the stubborn woman clearly having had a nice chat with Maureen – she had started hammering you about what had happened with Heero. It was only logical that you had lost focus. Halfheartedly listening to her with some serious hardware cutting tools in your hand was just asking for trouble. “Although now I’m wondering if it had something to do with Kayla’s yapping or with our mystery guy waking up,” Denzel muttered.

Denzel wasn’t subtle. He didn’t care about tactics or touchy topics. All the man cared about was results. You had always appreciated that about him, but today was no such day. You sighed, the sound telling the man of your aggravation. 

“Neither,” you bit out darkly.

Denzel raised a disbelieving eyebrow. You rolled your eyes. Damn perceptive prick. 

“Come. You can tell me all about it over some terrible coffee,” the guy told you as he placed a hand on your upper back and urged you to start moving.

“But the engine …”

Denzel shrugged. He didn’t even shoot it another look as he simply said, “Ruined and beyond repair.” You groaned in honest misery. To think you had honestly ruined an engine beyond repair – a newbie mistake – after so many years at the junkyard. “At least it can still be used to teach the kids,” Denzel offered teasingly.

“Not helping,” you grumbled unhappily. 

The only thing that could prevent it from being used to teach the kids was if you had blown it to smithereens – which you had done once. 

You were glad that most of the outcasts were still working on their respective projects. Only Denzel and you were in the small break room and a fresh pot of horrible coffee was brewing. You scrunched your nose as Denzel poured himself a mug. He raised a questioning eyebrow as he looked your way, but you quickly shook your head. You didn’t want any of that stuff. 

“Suit yourself,” Denzel shrugged. 

Denzel seated himself across from you, a patient look in those dark green eyes. You sighed deeply. Was it worth to play your usual game? In the end, Denzel always won and you always spilled your darkest secrets to the man. 

“Don’t make me force it out of you, [Name],” the man warned you before he took a large gulp of his coffee. He grumbled something unintelligible – most likely condemning the inventor of the current batch of coffee – and shot you another look when the silence lasted a little too long. 

“Fine! I admit it. The conversation has left me a little unbalanced,” you grumbled unhappily.

“Why?”

“Because he recognized me.”

“And that’s bad? I thought you said you knew him from before the ‘fighting fiasco’.”

The fighting fiasco …

Denzel was one of the few people – along with Levi and Maureen – who knew about your unwilling participation to Sasaki’s illegal fighting club. The only reason he did know was because the man had practically saved you from it and the many breakdowns that had followed. 

“He is, but …”

“But?” Denzel pressed after taking another gulp from his coffee – this time without frowning. 

“But I was infatuated with the guy back then.”

Hence why you had - once upon a time - tried very vigorously to discover whatever you could about him - until Rani figured it out and took the necessary steps to approach Heero herself. She’d always wanted the things you wanted or had, though you never understood her reasoning. Denzel’s lips twitched upwards, the very idea of you being impassionate about someone seemingly amusing to him. 

“And?” he pushed.

“And back then, he didn’t have a clue to who I was and eventually ended up dating my sister.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah. No shit.”

It had been quite the blow to deal with back then. Denzel looked pensive, his fingers absentmindedly drumming against his coffee cup. 

“Is he still with her now?”

You shrugged, trying to downplay how you really felt about the idea of your sister and Heero still being together - it cut through you just as intensely as it did back on the day Rani told you.

“Who knows,” you nonchalantly stated, hoping that your projected aloofness looked genuine.

“Really?” Denzel scolded lightly, undoubtedly questioning your intelligence. You looked at him with boredom. “Don’t give me that look. I know you better than anyone here. You can say all you want, but I saw the look in your eyes when Lucy told you he was awake.” 

You scoffed. 

“I don’t know. Okay?! I left two days after Rani told me they were an item and it’s not like we kept in touch.”

“Then you should ask him.”

“What?! No way! What if he says yes?”

“What if he says no?” Denzel countered with one mockingly raised eyebrow.

“Denzel,” you growled impatiently. 

You understood what Denzel was trying to accomplish, but that didn’t mean you agreed with it. 

“What? If they aren’t together anymore, then he’s free for the taking. Besides, it’s time you started living again, [Name]. You let that asshole ruin too much of your life already. One day you’ll wake up and realize you’ve hit fifty and life has run you by.” 

“You mean like you have?” you scornfully shot back.

It was a low blow. Denzel clenched his jaw, his eyes shining with remembered pain. 

“Yes, like I have. Take a good look, [Name], because this is what you’ll end up like if you don’t start pushing back.”

Denzel slammed his half-finished coffee cup on the table and stood up. You glared at it as he briskly walked past you, knowing you had pushed too hard – even though the man should’ve expected it by now. 

Whether you acknowledged it or not, you knew that Denzel had a point. This was your choice to make – not his or anyone else in this bloody junkyard. You’d either push back and start living again without fear, or you would let the fear wrap around your heart and forever remain the whimpering coward that hid. You dry-washed your face at the prospect. Neither option held much appeal. 

“Damn it all to hell!” you muttered unhappily as you slammed your hands on the table and stood.

You begrudgingly made your way towards the medical room, your thoughts jumping all over the place as you envisioned the coming confrontation. You briefly hesitated at the door, only to blink in surprise as the door was opened before you could even knock and announce your arrival. 

“[Name]?” Maureen greeted with surprise coloring her voice. 

“Eh, yeah. Is he … eh … awake?” you questioned softly, your eyes glancing left then right. 

“And grumpy as hell ever since you left,” Maureen muttered. You chuckled softly, though it was far from the usual sound Maureen elicited from you. “You sure that you’re up to this?” Maureen continued softly, obviously worried by whatever she saw in your gaze.

“No, but someone has to. Kayla practically ordered me. Not to mention that Denzel had his own say about it.”

“They do have a habit of meddling,” Maureen agreed, stepping to the side to let you in. 

Heero’s sharp gaze instantly focused on you as you entered his field of vision. A shiver of awareness ran through you and you chose to ignore him for the time being.

“I’ll be getting some early dinner while you two talk,” Maureen tactically stated before she pulled the door shut behind her.

“Sure,” you muttered in acknowledgement, not at all happy with the prospect of being alone with Heero. 

Heero was the first that eventually broke the deafening silence which had encompassed you both. 

“What happened?”

“I think you misunderstand me being here,” you pointed out when you met his gaze with a guarded expression. 

“You’re here because you want answers,” Heero calmly shot back, not perturbed by your aloofness. You nodded your head. Perhaps he didn’t misunderstand. “So do I,” he warned you sternly. He sounded damn intimidating. Then again, intimidating was his middle name. “I propose the following,” Heero continued as he carefully watched your reaction. You motioned for him to go on and his lips pulled up ever so slightly. “Two questions each. You’ll answer mine and I’ll answer yours.”

That wasn’t a bad deal to make - even if it sounded slightly childish. You silently studied him as you wondered about the consequences the deal he proposed could hold. 

“Only if you agree that the knowledge of me stays here. You won’t tell anyone about me being alive or that I’m currently living here,” you sharply warned him.

If he didn’t like the condition he should just say so. It took a few seconds, but eventually Heero nodded his consent.

“It’s a deal,” he agreed without too much fuss. It instantly put you on alert because you honestly expected it to be much harder. 

“Good. I’ll start,” you muttered absentmindedly.

Other than a raised eyebrow, Heero didn’t stop you from taking point. You hesitated briefly. Should you just ask about him and your sister or gently steer towards it? Denzel would most likely advise you to jump in headfirst – and the guy has never been wrong.

“My sister, Rani.” Heero nodded, acknowledging the topic. “How is she?”

“Living and breathing.”

Not very informative. Your frown seemingly urged Heero to continue. 

“She’s still working in Brussels. Most likely because she thinks she can better acquire information regarding your disappearance.”

You gritted your teeth in frustration, glaring to the side. Undoubtedly, Rani had trouble accepting that your continued disappearance meant you were dead. Regardless of the everlasting struggle between you both – which somehow seemed common between many siblings – you two were all you had left in this world and you never wanted to cause her the pain of not knowing - even if it were the best thing for her.

“As for me: what happened earlier?” Heero questioned quickly.

You blinked in surprise, your slowly rising resentment over your sister’s stubborn persistence to search for you briefly forgotten. 

“I … I had a flashback,” you forced out even though you hated to think of it as such.

Heero opened his mouth to press the subject, before he closed it again without having uttered a single syllable. He took notice of the stubborn glint in your eyes and briefly ceded. You knew it didn’t mean anything. Heero was cutthroat in his questioning – another rumor you had picked up on over the years you’d worked at Preventers – and if he stopped now, it meant he had a bigger prize in mind.

“I could ask you the same. Someone obviously attacked you. But you’re not an active agent anymore, so ...”

“I’m not,” he agreed as he shifted slightly. 

The barely there wince made you frown. 

“You shouldn’t do that,” you calmly stated. 

Heero shot you a frustrated look. You sighed and approached. With some effort, you rearranged his pillows so he was more comfortable and sitting slightly upright – the very thing you’d known he was trying to achieve. 

“Thank you,” Heero softly stated. 

You grunted in acknowledgement before sitting on the edge of his bed and raised an eyebrow in expectation. He still owed you an answer. 

“I transferred here six months ago,” Heero finally muttered.

Six months ago? And Rani was still working in Brussels, so …

“Wait! So you’re not together anymore?” 

“What?”

Your outburst had clearly caught him by surprise, his cute frown alerting you that you should clarify who you meant.

“You and Rani.”

“No.”

Heero’s lips pulled slightly upwards and that slight smirk made him look almost dangerous. It also conveyed the fact that he’d just gotten something he’d been fishing for and you had no clue as to what that could be – considering you’d only asked about him and Rani while he hadn’t even breached any topic related to that. 

“Oh.”

You tried to play nonchalant, but it wasn’t quite working. The way Heero was looking at you made you shift uncomfortably. He was up to something.

“What happened to you?” Heero questioned calmly. 

“Hey! You didn’t answer my question,” you accused, outraged that he would dare deny you your answer.

“You asked me whether I was still dating your sister. I answered it.”

You opened your mouth and promptly closed it again. Damn him, he was right! You glared at the ground in retribution. 

“Then I suggest you be more specific because your question is quite broad,” you whispered darkly.

“You disappeared four years ago and you still don’t want to be found.”

You swallowed down the bile you felt forming at the back of your throat. Of course his question had to be the mother of all things you wanted to avoid revealing.

“So?”

“I want to know why.”

Your lips pressed together into an unhappy line as you forced yourself to stand. Heero made a sudden move to reach for your arm. Did he think you would leave without answering him? You fiercely glared at him, but he didn’t seem bothered by it. 

“The short version: I ended up in the hands of a pig that sold me to an even greater asshole that pretty much used me for his illegal fighting ring in Shanghai. Then about two years ago I managed to get away from that weasel. Denzel found me and has been hiding me ever since,” you harshly and quit quickly bit out, hoping to stop yourself from losing yourself to the memories that threatened to swallow you whole as you rushed through the words. 

A brief look at Heero made you hesitate. The man was glaring at you with a mixture of anger and resentment. You slowly avoided his gaze and continued, “That’s why you can’t tell anyone that I’m alive! Kayla may have badgered me into revealing myself to you, but the only reason I’ve managed to keep anyone I cared about safe is because Sasaki thinks I’m dead.”

“Sasaki …”

No, damn it!

You hadn’t meant to reveal that much. And by the sound of it, Heero had a pretty good idea of who you meant. You hardened yourself. There were no further questions you desperately needed an answer for. Everything was merely for the sake of your own stupid curiosity. It was therefore better if you left before you managed to reveal even more than you had intended to. 

“[Name],” Heero warned as he caught a glimpse of your face and recognized the need to flee. 

You took a step backwards, shaking your head in response to his order. You refused to be ordered around! A second step backwards all too soon followed. 

“I need to check-up on something,” you quickly mumbled as you turned and strode with quick and angry strides towards your exit. 

It was only Heero’s barely repressed groan of pain that made you freeze and turn around to check on him. To your utter surprise - and horror - the idiot was actually trying to get up. Your body was moving before you were consciously aware of wanting to stop him. This time, though, you didn’t hesitate as you reached out and firmly pushed him back against the pillows. 

“Idiot!” you yelled heatedly. Only a fool would open his wounds to stop you from leaving. What was the deal with that anyway?! “Levi will have my head if I have to bother him again to fix you up.”

“Levi?” Heero forced out between gritted teeth. 

“The medic!” You growled, quickly pulling back the sheets and checking on Heero’s wounds. Most of the bandages and gauze still appeared clean. Only one – the bandage wrapped around Heero’s abdomen – was slowly turning red. “Damn you and your stubborn need to self-destruct!” You muttered heatedly. 

Your hands were already prodding the surrounding tissue. Nothing else seemed to give, but it was damn hard to focus on what you were doing rather than who you were touching. You should probably clean the wound and replace the dressing before Maureen came back. You’d rather not have her face who knows how many death threats from Mr. I-Can-Bend-Steel-With-My-Bare-Hands!

“It’s fine,” Heero simply spoke once he saw you gather the necessary tools. 

“Hush. You don’t have a say in this!” You shot back, clearly agitated with his lack of interest in his own health. At least that hadn’t changed. The rest of Heero’s strange behavior – both the trading answers and his strange need to keep you from leaving – perplexed you. “I’m going to help you sit straight, but you’ll have to maintain that position for a few minutes.”

Heero merely looked at you as if he wanted to fight you on it, before he deemed it unimportant and nodded his head in understanding. It was strange how much you were aware of him. It had been easy to ignore the expanse of bronzed skin strung taut over delicious muscles right up until this very moment. Now, however, you were just too aware of it. 

You swallowed down the rising urge to let your fingers linger and forced yourself to focus on removing the slightly bloody dressing. Each accidental brush against his warm skin made you long for another. The wound looked decent enough. Two small stitches had torn, but the bleeding was sluggish at best. It would heal just fine if Heero didn’t push himself too far. A quick look at the man in question made you frown. Would he be able to do so, though? 

“What?” he calmly questioned.

“Nothing,” you quickly murmured, once more focusing on the wound. 

You cleaned the blood away before redressing it, but hesitated when you were done. It would be so easy to let your fingers linger, to feel his muscles and his heat beneath your touch for just a few seconds longer. You bit your lower lip as you fought a silent battle with yourself and Heero took advantage of the situation. 

Strong digits gently lifted your chin. You blinked in confusion as you stared at carefully guarded Prussian blue eyes. Did he suspect? You should pull back and apologize, but the way Heero kept eyeing you made you hesitate. 

“I know what you want,” Heero boldly declared. Your eyes widened as he verified your fear, but you held your mouth even as your unease grew with each unsteady heartbeat. “I’ll make you an offer,” the man continued calmly. You swallowed heavily, your mouth and throat suddenly parched. An offer? It sounded strangely ominous. “You can demand one thing from me, but in return I want you to stay when I ask you to.” 

Did that mean you could claim a kiss without him protesting it? Your eyes briefly flickered towards Heero’s lips. They ticked up to form a sinful smirk as you just alerted him to what you might want. 

“I …”

“You won’t run from me,” Heero repeated almost lazily. 

You searched his gaze. He appeared confident that you were going to seize the opportunity and therefore his offer.

“Why?” You pressed, even though your mind was too busy imagining the kiss you could ask for.

“Does that really matter?” He simply shot back. 

It should. 

But it didn’t. 

“No,” you whispered. It was an answer that both seemed to satisfy and annoy him.

“Then what do you say?”

Your eyes once more flickered towards Heero’s lips. You had always wondered how it would feel. There wouldn’t be any emotions tied to it – at least not from his side – but that didn’t change how much you longed to experience it. You bit your lower lip, torn between your options. Denzel would tell you to take a chance and live a little. Even you had to admit that you were tired of playing it safe, of hiding and barely living. If Heero was offering, then why not take it? 

“A kiss then,” you murmured. 

You would not go beyond that! 

Heero lifted an eyebrow in mock question and you narrowed your eyes in reply. Yes, you were sure! Anything more than a kiss was just –

…

Bloody hell! You should’ve asked for the entire damn thing if he was this good at a simple kiss! 

The soft pressure of those supple, warm lips against your own slightly chapped ones was unlike anything you had experienced before. A part of you had always assumed that Heero would be more aggressive in his kissing, something that surprisingly enough wasn’t true. You moaned as you slightly parted your lips. The kiss was nothing if not fleeting, something you realized all too well as Heero slowly pulled away. A shiver raced down your spine as his teeth slightly snagged on your bottom lip. For all of five seconds you had heaven thrust upon you, and then it was plucked from your grasp. 

You were left staring into amused blue eyes that seemed to make you forget about the world in general. Soft puffs of air brushed over your slightly swollen lips as Heero chuckled. He undoubtedly thought your dazed look was entertaining. You didn’t mind. Let him enjoy it. 

“Remember your part of the bargain,” Heero reminded you as he relaxed against the pillows. 

This was not the man you remembered! No, the man you remembered would’ve _never_ done anything as scandalous as this! You blinked in confusion as you thought it over. The brief bouts of personal contact you’d had with Heero in the past - over the radio - had given you little information to how he was if he wasn’t in a near-death situation, but the man he showed you now somehow seemed completely contradicting to everything you had imagined. 

Heero’s gaze gave nothing away as you searched those strangely amused eyes for answers to a question your gut told you was best left unvoiced. It was only when someone knocked on the door that your internal musings were brought to a sudden stop and you quickly righted yourself. You swept the dirty bandages away and stuffed them in the pocket of your jacket, flung the blanket back over Heero’s torso, and tried to appear aloof.

“Come in.”

“I thought you might want to go grab dinner, [Name]. Kayla’s already there waiting for you,” Maureen softly spoke, a smile on her lips as she entered the room. 

“Of course she is,” you hastily answered.

You shot Maureen a questioning look. 

“Go,” Maureen told you with a nod, understanding perfectly what you wanted from her. 

You shot a final brief look at Heero, but the man didn’t give anything away. In fact, he seemed completely unperturbed – which strangely irked you. 

“Until later,” Heero simply stated, the briefest lift of his lips annoying you just as much as the certainty in his voice did.


	3. Chapter 3

“I’ll talk to him,” you assured Kayla absentmindedly as you listlessly pushed your uneaten food back and forth across your plate. 

“You’re distracted,” Kayla accused after shooting you a sharp look that seemingly penetrated your very thoughts.

You raised your eyes and shot her a dark look.

“Gee, I wonder why,” you grumbled. Kalya scoffed, obviously not appreciating your sarcasm. “Not only do we have an injured Preventer in our home -something most people here hate - but thanks to you, I also have to deal with the fact that he’s messing with my head for a reason I haven’t yet figured out. And now you’re bitching to me because you’re worried about _Denzel blowing the fuses again_?! I apologize if I’m not entirely sympathetic to your current problems,” you ended with an irritated hiss.

Kayla crossed her arms -a defensive reaction if any -and glared at a passing guy who hastened his steps when he caught sight of Kayla’s dirty look.

“You seriously need to get laid,” Kayla grumbled under her breath.

“Excuse me?!” 

“You heard me! Do you seriously want to deny it? Because I’ve seen the way you look at him,” Kayla threw back at you in that haughty tone you hated and that too damn cocky smirk she shot you didn’t help either.

Your foul mood grew even worse as you spat, “And _how_ exactly did I look at him?!”

“You want him.”

“I barely know the guy! How the hell can I want him?”

Kayla shrugged and haughtily told you, “Maybe you should ask yourself that.”

It was only the fact that Lucy - who was totally ignorant of your foul mood or the current tension between you and Kayla - joyfully placed her plate next to Kayla that halted your spiteful answer. 

“I told you to leave them alone, Lucy,” Denzel muttered unrepentantly as he placed a plate of his own next to you not five seconds later. 

You shot him a brief glare as the man sat down. You would bet everything you owned that Lucy showing up when she did was _his_ doing!

“Maybe next time you should try doing so without that shit-eating-grin on your face,” you muttered grumpily.

“What grin?”Denzel shot back, not bothering to hide his smirk. 

You rolled your eyes, dropped your fork, and pushing your half-eaten plate away from you. Sometimes it was utterly hopeless to try and talk to these people.

“What were you two talking about?” Lucy questioned innocently, her bright smile slowly disarming you. 

“[Name]’s sex life. Or was it the lack thereof that we were discussing?” Kayla questioned with a certain bite that made you want to lung across the table and scratch her eyes out.

Denzel - the fucker -actually dared laugh. His rich baritone echoed in the slightly overcrowded room. 

“It’s not funny,” you grumbled darkly.

“I know, but laughing seemed like the better option. Or do you prefer me to cry rivers of tears for your lack of a sex life?” 

You scoffed. 

“So eum ...,” Lucy trailed off, her face as red as a tomato. The poor thing was obviously still not completely used to Kayla’s and Denzel’s blunt way with words. Once she had your attention, though, Lucy innocently questioned, “Who do you want to dive in bed with?” 

You stared at her with a mixture of disbelief and scandalous shock. A question like that should not be voiced in such an innocent voice! Denzel – who was still not much help to you at this point - only continued to laugh at your misfortune. Bloody asshole!

“She wants our newest arrival,” Kalya supplied slyly with a sudden broad grin on her face, her way of paying you back for how you’d treated her earlier.

“You mean Heero? Oh, he’s hot,” Lucy sighed dreamily, completely ignorant of the look you shot her way.

“Whatever,” you murmured irritably, quickly looking to the side.

The last time someone like her had said that about Heero, that _‘someone’_ had managed to force her way into his life and ended up dating the man. You unconsciously clenched your hand at the memory. Denzel and Kayla were more than aware of your slowly boiling anger and decided to intervene before blood was spilt. 

“He’s too old for you Lucy,” Denzel stated simply.

“What? He’s totally not! He’s only like .. What? Five years older than me?”

“What you need is a guy like Hans,” Kayla added with a pointed look at the girl. 

“What? No way!” Lucy vehemently denied. 

Hans - a guy who had arrived around the same time Lucy had - was only a year younger than her and the guy so happened to have a major crush on Lucy. You honestly thought they would make a good pair if she ever gave him the chance, but the girl was blind to his affections.

“Besides, if Heero’s too old for me then [Name]’s too old for him.”

You stiffened, your hands slowly fisting as you glared at the table. 

“Careful there, Lucy,” Kayla whispered as she kept a watchful eye on you.

“Why? She’s at least four years older than he is. The same math applies!” Lucy vehemently stated, completely ignorant to the silently growing danger.

“You’re all idiots, so shut the hell up!” you suddenly exploded as you slammed your hands down on the table and stood up. 

Three pair of eyes shot your way, but your obvious scowl quickly forced Lucy to look away as the kid was unable to hold your foul stare for long. Kayla’s gaze held a few seconds longer before she, too, looked away. Denzel – the bastard was too used to your anger to be affected by it - merely sighed and shook his head, dismissing you and your statement for the time being. It wasn’t what you wanted as a reaction, so you simply grabbed your plate and turned away.

“Where are you going?” Denzel questioned calmly, eyeing you with mild interest. 

“Who freakin’ knows.”

“Then perhaps you should go relieve Maureen,” the guy dared order. 

What?!

Even Kayla seemed slightly surprised at Denzel’s proposition.

“Why? Heero can look after himself,” you nearly spat.

“I can do it,” Lucy quickly offered, seeing a chance to be around your man more. You hated it.

“I agree with Denzel,” Kayla stated suddenly, ignoring the brief - yet oh so dark - look you shot at her. Now they were both enjoying your suffering. Why did they always team up on things concerning you?! 

“Easy there, girl,” Denzel murmured, a quick nod towards your hand. You took two deep breaths before you managed to release the death grip you had on the plate. 

“People want to know when he’s leaving. Seeing as you were the one who said contacting anyone was a danger at the time, I suggest you find out whether or not you were right,” Kayla continued as if it was the most logical thing to do.

You hated that she was right. That, however, didn’t stop you from protesting.

“But …”

“Or we can always send Lucy once she finishes her meal,” Denzel drawled as he shot Lucy a thoughtful glance.

Lucy seemed eager at the prospect - already enthusiastically nodding in consent - but you didn’t let her enjoy that possibility for too long. 

“No! I’ll do it,” you growled unhappily and stormed off. 

You wanted to wipe that damn smirk of Denzel’s lips - the one you just knew was there right now! It was with that annoyed mindset that you eventually entered the medical room and your sour mood did not improve when you noticed a small cot that had been set up in the corner. 

“You going to stay the night, Maureen?” you questioned in a tense and sharp voice that belied your reaction if she disagreed. 

Maureen’s innocent eyes - too innocent in your opinion - blinked twice as she shook her head. 

“Take it up with Denzel if you have a problem with it, [Name],” she softly stated and left. 

You stared disbelievingly at her retreating back. Everyone in this freaking place was conspiring against you! 

“I think I should meet this Denzel,” Heero stated absentmindedly. 

Your angry gaze focused on him next and you realized that the prick was enjoying himself way too much.

“Fuck you!” 

Heero carelessly shrugged, barely wincing as the movement pulled at freshly healing wounds.

“If you want. Though I’m not in the best state for it and it might come with a price you might not be willing to pay,” Heero casually spoke.

That was not what you had been expecting as a response - which was the only reason why you couldn’t stop staring at Heero! – and you narrowed your gaze in contemplation. Should you react with shock or anger?

“Are you serious?!” you finally questioned with a shocked whisper.

“Yes,” Heero replied without any visible sign of doubt.

“Then maybe I should just say ‘eat shit and die’ and see what you do,” you grumbled unhappily.

Heero laughed. The guy actually laughed at that! It was not what you’d been expecting from him. Then again - regardless of what you’d been expecting – you couldn’t deny that it was a beautiful sound. His laugh was deep and rich in sound, something that somehow managed to sooth your anger. You sighed and shook your head in silent wonder.

“What is your game, Heero?” you questioned softly once the last echo of his laughter ebbed away. 

“There is no game.”

“Then what is it you want from me?” you pressed on, unable to believe that. 

His lips twitched downwards and the last trace of mirth disappeared from his gaze. You hated yourself for it. Those eyes should be alight with amusement rather than staring at you with that unnerving light. The answer Heero gave you, though, made you stiffen with dread and shame.

“Sasaki.”

“What about him?” 

“You can help stop him.”

“Forget it!” you snapped instantly, more fear than anger shining through in your voice. Heero watched you as you tried to calm yourself. The feral light he encountered in your eyes caused his frown to become more prominent and you quickly looked to the side in your inability to withstand that searching gaze. “You have no idea what that man is capable of,” you forced out, hoping to convey exactly how much he should abandon his current thoughts concerning Sasaki. 

“Maybe that’s all the more reason to put a stop to him.”

You laughed, the sound dull and forced. 

“There is no stopping him. I tried it once and look where it got me.”

You moved your hand to indicate both yourself and the room you were in. The anger in your voice was less pronounced by now and your still present fear took over. 

“Yet you escaped,” Heero pointed out calmly.

“And you have obviously no idea how I even managed to do that. If you did, you wouldn’t be asking me to confront that pig again.”

Heero shook his head. 

“I’m not asking you to confront him,” he clarified calmly.

“Then what are you asking of me?”

“That you tell them what you know.”

“Them?” you repeated slowly. And then it clicked. You scoffed, your lips pressed tightly together in your dismay. “Preventers.”

“Yes.”

Like hell you were. If anyone - not including Heero at this time - knew you were alive, then it would only be a matter of time before Sasaki knew as well. Then again, would Heero be able to hold his mouth once he left here? If he couldn’t, the last three years would’ve been for naught. 

“No.”

“So you’ll continue to hide here and –”

“I am not hiding!” 

Even though that’s exactly what you were doing. Heero knew that, too. His eyes conveyed his skepticism to your vehement denial. 

“You’re hiding,” Heero calmly stated. 

“What do you even know of it? You have no idea –”

“Then tell me,” he suddenly urged you.

That shut you up rather nicely. You stared at Heero with worried eyes. It wasn’t just the idea of confronting all those memories again that made you afraid. No, it was also the idea that Heero might think less of you once he knew what made your heart ache with despair.

“No,” you denied softly, already shaking your head in denial as you tightly wrapped your arms around yourself. 

“Why not?” Heero questioned not unkindly.

He would not treat you this way if he knew. Even the very thought of seeing a possible disapproving glint in those intense blue eyes made you feel sick. You wouldn’t be able to handle it if he truly looked at you with disappointment and pity.

“There’s just … too much …,” you trailed off with another shake of your head. It was better if he never knew. “No,” you once more repeated as you looked at Heero again and tried to project a strong front.

It was a stupid move. Meeting Heero’s gaze for all of a second - which was enough for him to ensnare you with those sharp eyes that seemingly penetrated your very soul - made you shiver with unease. That unease only grew when his earlier frown began to disappear and he looked slightly thoughtful. 

“What can I offer you that will make you reconsider?”

You gaped at him for all of five seconds, before you quickly closed your mouth and vehemently shook your head. 

“Nothing!”

“I don’t believe that.”

“You have nothing that I want,” you sternly stated, hoping your voice was as steadfast as you wanted it to be. 

Heero’s eyes narrowed as he held your gaze. He knew you were lying. There was, after all, so much you wanted from him - his touch, his kisses, his very presence at your side even. But you knew that if you gave in to him, it would be your undoing – which was simply something you couldn’t let happen. 

“Your lies are very easy to see through,” Heero voiced softly. 

You gritted your teeth and glared at the man for it. 

“And what makes you think I’m lying?”

You could improve yourself if he told you how he knew. That way, your next lie wouldn’t be so easily distinguished. Heero lips formed a thin line and his eyes seemed to grow darker with displeasure. You weren’t sure how much longer you could hold his gaze when he looked at you like that. 

“You have very expressive eyes. They will always give you away.”

You looked away, hiding your eyes from his too observing gaze. Denzel had told you that many times over the last three years. Thinking of Denzel made you think of something else the man had said not that long ago. 

_‘It’s time you started living again.’_

Maybe he was right. Maybe it really was time you pushed back and started living again. Heero had stated that he and Rani weren’t together anymore. The man had even agreed to a kiss if you promised not to leave whenever he told you so. Perhaps this was the moment where you started taking what you wanted regardless of possible consequences?

“And if I want you?” you unsurely questioned.

A quick glance revealed that Heero’s expression hadn’t change. He had obviously been expecting something like this. Where you truly that transparent?

“Then you can have me.”

Your hands fisted at your side. Did he even realize what he was agreeing to?

“All so Sasaki can be taken down?” you questioned skeptically.

“Perhaps,” Heero stated with a careless shrug.

You narrowed your eyes and shot him a second fleeting look. Now he was the one hiding something and that fact annoyed you more than you were willing to admit. You silently pondered your possibilities. You still refused to reveal yourself to anyone other than the outcasts and Heero, but maybe there was a way around it all. 

“I won’t talk to them,” you simply stated, which made Heero’s eyes narrow slightly with frustration. You shook your head and held up your hand to stop him from replying.“I won’t talk to them,” you repeated slowly as you fully faced him. Let him see that there was no lie in your eyes now. “I stand by my earlier decision. Revealing that I’m alive will cost me more in the long run. But for a decent offer, I’m willing to reveal what I know to you.”

Heero’s lips pulled slightly upwards, as if he was content with that offer – which confused you slightly. You had honestly expected more protest from him. After all, you weren’t exactly giving him what he wanted.

“And that offer involves me?”

You slowly nodded your head, even though you knew the guy was making a statement rather than asking a question. Perhaps you had been too eager, for his lips pulled further upwards - which made you slightly uneasy. There was little doubt about it now. Heero was the one in control of this transaction and he would strike a bargain that would benefit him the most. 

“What do you propose?” Heero questioned simply.

You frowned, thinking it over. You wanted all of him - as much of him as you could have - but how did you best frame it?

“You’re not to leave. You’re to stay at my side for the minimum duration that you need to recover.”

Tying him to your side would be the perfect chance to get to know him as he was now. It was also an opportunity for him to get to know you _and_ for him to heal properly before returning to whatever life he had. 

“And the maximum time?” he pressed, unwilling yet to strike such a vague bargain. 

“Until I say so.”

Which you doubted would be anytime soon. 

“Very well. Me at your side,” Heero agreed after mulling it over. 

“Then I will tell you about Sasaki.”


	4. Chapter 4

“What do you want to know?”

You weren’t eager to get started. The rising unease inside of you was making you tense and Heero quickly became aware of it. 

“Come here,” he called out. 

At your dubious look, Heero merely extended one arm in invitation and your eyes shifted towards his hand. Should you listen? You were slow in your approach, obviously unsure what to make of both his order and his silent invitation. 

“Sit,” came the next order.

Your lips pulled downwards as you regarded Heero carefully. You stood well within his reach, but Heero didn’t tug you closer. The decision was obviously your own, which was something you appreciated more than you could say. Only when you actually sat on the edge of his bed, did Heero lower his arm again – his hand landing on your knee. 

“Happy?” you sarcastically questioned, crossing your arms and glaring at the pillow. 

Heero’s lips twitched in answer. The guy was enjoying this a little too much! The entire interaction left you feeling slightly strange, but you both wisely ignored it. 

“You told me you were part of the Shanghai division,” Heero began, his voice calm and even.

“He … He has more?” you weakly questioned, unwilling to believe that such a menace could exist in more places.

“Many more.”

That was an unsettling thought. The Shanghai branch wasn’t big, but it dealt with at least fifteen fights per month. You shivered, the sudden memory of all those cages and their inhabitants a hard one to suppress. It was only after a few minutes that you realized that Heero hadn’t spoken again. Was he still waiting for confirmation? You shot him a brief look, only to find him intently studying you. 

“What?” you hoarsely questioned, before coughing and trying to get rid of the coarseness. 

His eyes contained a storm of thoughts and an endless stream of possible questions - each one more depressing than the previous one - flashed through your mind. You quickly looked away, unable to stomach that penetrating look any longer. 

“How long did he keep you there?” Heero finally questioned.

“About eighteen months or so,” you softly sighed with a seemingly careless shrug. You were relieved that you could at least handle these types of questions.

“Hn.”

That grunt gave you little knowledge of what Heero thought about it. Another quick glance proved that even his gaze was guarded, telling you little about what he was truly thinking.

“I saw tons of people come and go during that time. Anyone from teens to middle-aged folk were good enough to use. Sasaki isn’t shy of anything. In the end, a fight is a fight and that is all those pigs are paying to see,” you muttered to break the silence. 

“And how does he acquire his fighters?”

You shrugged, the listless motion not to Heero’s liking if you could correctly judge that frown. 

“Some are simply plucked off the streets, I guess. Others are bought or forced to fight to pay off their debts.”

You recognized - and hated - the silent question in his gaze. 

_‘And you?’_

“I was bought,” you bitterly muttered.

“How?”

“With a certain amount of credits, I’m sure,” you haughtily stated, knowing that it was not what Heero had meant. His soft growl proved you were right. “Before you try to reprimand me for that answer, I suggest you think very hard about your questions, Heero. You wanted to know about Sasaki. Him buying me is the point where my story with him begins. Anything preceding it is none of your damn business.”

Especially considering that those times were marked with many foolish decisions on your part -decisions you’d rather not have him knowing. Heero lips twitched upwards again and it -combined with that too intense light in his eyes -made you unease as you recognized the promise that burned in his gaze. 

“Very well. You can keep that secret … For now,” Heero murmured pensively.

It had the desired effect. You stiffened in outrage, your hands tightly grasping either the sheets you were seated on or the loose fabric of your pants -whichever was closest to either hand. The longer you stared at Heero, the more you became aware of the implications of his words. 

“Either way, I was bought and that’s where this story begins,” you forced out through uncooperative lips. You breathed in relief when he finally nodded, letting it go for now. 

“So you were bought. Then what happened?”

“Sasaki tests his fighters. They’re not all very mentionable worthy techniques, but …”

You trailed off when Heero’s hand came to rest upon your own - the one that was still tightly grasping the sheets - in a silent sign of encouragement perhaps. 

“All of it, [Name],” he warned you, all too aware that you were skipping parts.

You bit your lower lip, a brief moment of indecision taking hold of you. You understood Heero’s need for details, though. The more he knew about Sasaki - and therefore could tell the Preventers - the easier it became for them to shut that bastard down and save the countless souls who were still in his possession. That, however, didn’t mean that you wanted to go into explicit detail to all that had happened to you over there. 

“Sasaki’s second is a skilled fighter with excellent control.” You mockingly chuckled as you glared your own hands. “I don’t know his real name, but Sasaki called him his shadow - although I did overhear some of his henchmen calling him Hayashi once. They enjoyed raping women to taunt them into fighting or used it as punishment for not having fought well enough. The ultimate punishment, however, was a blood fight,” you added impulsively. Heero’s fingers carefully wrapped around your hand as his hold grew firmer. Perhaps he knew what would follow. “I think it’s because Sasaki took a liking to me that I was spared that cruelty,” you begrudgingly admitted as you once more looked at Heero.

Heero’s reaction was not what you expected. His eyes conveyed his fury and his hold on your own hand grew nearly painful. Denzel - even though you hadn’t told him much about your ‘fighting fiasco’ days - had reacted much the same way and it made you wonder if Heero pitied you as well. 

“You were lucky you knew how to fight,” Heero told you in a surprisingly calm voice.

You blinked, unsure how Heero even knew you could fight. You had never gone into the field so you were never taught any self-defense. 

“How do you …?”

“I know all about you and your sister.”

The words - though you suspected they were meant to be comforting - brought forth a strange irritation within you. You wouldn’t put it above Rani to have told him whatever she could about you so she could then shine the brightest in comparison – considering Rani was the one with a black belt.

“Yes. I suppose you do,” you responded flatly as you freed yourself from Heero’s touch. Though Heero didn’t react much, you suspected he didn’t like both your tone or your withdrawal. “But you’re right. I wasn’t a perfect fighter, but I was one of the better ones that Sasaki owned. He developed a habit of saving me for the blood rounds. There was more money to be made there and it soothed Sasaki’s injured pride to see me struggle.”

”Explain that.”

“Explain what? The blood rounds?” 

“Yes.”

You sighed, raising a shaking hand -when had that even started?! – so you could run your fingers through your hair. 

“The blood rounds only have one rule. The victor lives, the loser dies - usually by the hands of the victor.”

“You fought those?” Heero demanded to know, his eyes narrowing with a fury that surprised you.

“Every month,” you bitterly whispered, closing your eyes tightly against the onslaught of remembered images and noises.

You shivered at the memories that raced through your mind - the spectator’s shouts for blood, the laughter and cheers for more as your opponent’s sharp cries of pain grew less fierce with each new assault, the sick glee you saw in the eyes watching you and the fear in the eyes of your losing opponent, the blood that darkened the floor. 

A warm touch pulled you away from those gruesome images. You blinked open eyes you couldn’t remember closing and encountered Heero’s piercing gaze inches from your own. You inhaled sharply, the faint fragrance of pine and oak helping to further disconnect the present from the past. Heero was too close, though. Your cheeks grew warm, your nerves spiking for a entirely different reason. 

“Eyes on me,” Heero sharply ordered when your eyes moved towards the pillows behind him in the hopes of avoiding his too penetrating gaze. It was clearly an order you weren’t allowed to ignore.

“I …” 

It was too easy to drown in those gorgeous blue orbs that were ensnaring you. They spun a lie of safety and freedom that you wanted to embrace wholeheartedly, yet were wary of at the same time. When he realized that he’d accomplished what he’d set out to do, Heero leaned back against the pillows with a soft grunt - one you belatedly realized was one of pain. 

“You idiot!” you scolded in order to hide your own flustered state. You quickly pulled the sheets back in order to inspect the bandages. The one on his stomach - the earlier one that had reopened - was bleeding again. “You shouldn’t have moved,” you bit out as you carefully watched the growing mark. 

Damn it! You were going to have to call Levi again if this kept up. 

Heero grabbed your hand, stopping you from testing the extent of his bleeding. 

“It’s fine.”

“The hell it is. It’s bleeding again.”

“I’ve had worse,” Heero reminded you with a sharp tone. 

You fiercely glared at him for it. 

“I don’t care if you had or not. Right now you’re under my supervision and that means you’re my responsibility, so shut the hell up and let me do my job!” you hissed angrily.

Heero’s reaction, however, wasn’t quite what you’d expect. The damn fool laughed. The husky sounds caught you by surprise and you worriedly watched as he kept it up regardless of the pain such action must be causing him. 

“I fail to see the humor,” you muttered sourly as you eyed him worriedly.

Heero’s chuckles slowly came to a stop, but that didn’t mean you were any the wiser on what to do with him. You froze when he smiled - an actual soft upwards pull of his lips that made your heart skip a beat - and reached out towards you. His fingertips gently touched your cheek as he slid his fingers further along your skin. 

“The more I’m near you, the more I recognize you,” he muttered mysteriously.

“You’re not making any sense,” you replied bewilderedly as Heero pulled his hand back again. 

“Hn.”

You knew that Heero wasn’t a guy who explained why he did what he did, so you simply dismissed his strange behavior for the time being and focused on what mattered most. 

“Just let me take a look at it.”

“Fine.”

You wasted no time in checking and cleaning his wound. Another stitch had torn. Experience told you that he could only afford to tear one more before you had to call Levi and have him replaced those. 

“It’ll heal,” Heero muttered when you kept frowning. 

“Not if you don’t stop reopening them,” you chided. 

For a second, you honestly thought he would demand something from you in exchange for that desired behavior. Then, he seemed to catch himself and avoided your gaze. What was up with that?

“It was worth it, though,” Heero softly stated. He sighed, an aggravated light appearing in his eyes as he glanced back towards you. “You were getting lost in your memories and I don’t like seeing that haunted light in your eyes.”

What could you possibly say to that? There was maybe only one thing appropriate for this moment so you said just that.

“No shit.”

Heero blinked in surprise, before he lightly chuckled.


	5. Chapter 5

A sharp inhale was your only warning to the world around you that you’d woken up. Your breaths were fast and uncontrolled, your heart thundered inside your chest, and your muscles were tense after a fight that hadn’t really happened.

Not again! Damn it! How many more times did you have to dream of that shithole?!

You slowly sat up, running a shaking hand across your face. You hated those dreams more than you hated the flashbacks. They always came when no one was around to wake you from them. A soft sound, however, proved you wrong - you weren’t alone tonight.

“You’re awake,” you murmured, knowing it to be true.

“Hn.”

Did that mean you had woken him with your nightmare? 

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention to wake you,” you whispered apologetically.

“I was already awake.”

“If you say so.”

You wouldn’t outright accuse him of lying, but that’s still what it sounded like. 

“Tell me about it,” Heero called out in the dark as if you would - or is that could? - never deny him his answer. 

“No,” you pushed through gritted teeth, your hands tightly clenching to contain your anger at his cocky order.

“Should I ask nicely then?” Heero shot back and you weren’t sure if he was mocking you or not.

“Whether you do or not, it doesn’t make any difference.” 

“Hn.”

You stood up and approached his bed. You could barely make out his face - the light from the hallway that seeped in from underneath the door not sufficient enough to do more than that. Heero seemed to be watching you, but you weren’t sure. 

“Crawl in,” Heero eventually voiced and you hesitated. 

“You’re wounded,” you softly stated even though you knew you should outright reject him. 

You didn’t deny that you wanted nothing more than to crawl in beside him and cling to him as much as you were allowed. However, you knew that giving in and doing so wouldn’t be a consequence-free road.

“It wasn’t an option,” Heero simply stated.

“…”

Heero reached out, his fingers gently wrapping around your wrist. How he managed to find it in the dark room - and that with his first try even - annoyed you. He gently tugged you closer to the bed.

“You wanted me near you. This is the nearest I can be,” he pointed out too damn logically.

You knew it was foolish to listen and crawl in with him - even if the bed was large enough to fit you both - yet your resolve was weak and you longed to be close to something warm and real. Denzel was usually the man you went to if your dreams left you too horrified to do much of anything. He would bring you to the small break room and simply sit with you while he drank a cup of terrible coffee. It was a stupid ritual, but it helped. 

“I …”

Another tug on your wrist and you gave up protesting the idea. 

You lifted the sheets and slowly crawled in. Your body was at the edge of the bed and your muscles were tense in your fear to bump against one of the many bruises or gashes Heero had. Heero sighed and shifted slightly to the side, allowing you to have even more space should you want it. Then, he slowly coaxed you closer until your head was resting on his shoulder - one of the few zones on his body that wasn’t bruised. His warmth seeped into your skin, making you aware of just how cold you were. It wasn’t like he was holding you, but at the same time it felt as if you had never felt more secure. Your muscles began relaxing, your mind losing that damnable touch of fear and despair. 

“What really happened, Heero?” you questioned, your hand gently coming to rest on his chest. 

The rougher texture of the bandages and gauze felt all too familiar. How many times had you been wrapped in both after a fight?

“I was supposed to meet a friend at the airport, but was attacked on the way there. A civilian isn’t allowed to carry a firearm, so they eventually had the upper hand.”

You seriously doubted it was that easy to get the upper hand on Heero. How many had there been for them to cause Heero such damage?

“But you got away,” you whispered, unwilling to call him out on his half-truth. 

“Barely.” You tightly clenched your eyes, hoping to prevent your mind from sketching an image you never wanted to see. “They were prepared. Far better than anyone could’ve been.”

“So they knew who you were?”

“Most likely.”

You didn’t like that idea. If it were true than you had been right in not calling the Preventers from the start. Any type of communication from this part of the city was liable to be overheard. Eventually, though, you were certain that such notification would have to happen. If Heero never reached the airport to meet his friend, said friend had most likely alerted the proper authorities - which was probably the Preventers in Heero’s case.

“They mentioned Sasaki,” Heero commented off-handedly.

…

No!

You moved, your knee bumping against Heero’s leg with more force than you had intended. He grunted - the pain obviously minimal by the sound of it - yet you still felt terrible for acting so rashly and causing him harm.

“Sorry. I …” You sighed and took a deep breath to regain your wits. “Are you sure, though?” 

The fear in your voice made Heero hesitate. He was looking at you again. You could feel his eyes burn into you. 

“Yes.”

It explained Heero’s sudden interest in Sasaki. He didn’t really do it because he wanted Preventers to find the man. No, he merely wanted to be as informed as he could be if the asshole ever got his hands on him. That realization helped ease your concern, but it also made you feel all the worse.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered in a too sharp tone.

Your hand - the one that had been lying on top of Heero’s chest - fisted in your hatred. 

“Stop it.”

The order was far from harsh, but you still flinched. Heero’s hand - though moving his arm seemed to cost him some trouble - softly cradled your fist. You stared at it even though you couldn’t see it, it’s warmth on top of your own strangely comforting. None the less, you couldn’t stop from thinking that - if you had gone to Preventers two years ago - this might have been prevented. 

“Sasaki always gets what he wants, Heero. And if he has set his sights on you …,” you murmured with righteous anger and a hint of fear. The fucker would move heaven and earth to get his hands on Heero. 

“He won’t find me.”

“Because you’re here?” you questioned incredulously. This was hardly a safe place for someone like him. “Outcasts or not, most people here would sell you in a heartbeat.”

“Then why do you stay?”

“Because no one knows about my issues other than a select few - and those few are loyal.”

Even Levi, though you weren’t entirely convinced the man could be considered a friend. 

“Yet anyone could turn on you.”

“Not in that sense,” you muttered, once more lying down and assuming the exact same position as before.

You forced your hand to relax, your fingertips brushing across small lines - probably old scars - as you spread them. 

“I doubt it,” Heero muttered. 

You smiled sadly. He wouldn’t be that wrong about it. Denzel had warned you more than once not to trust too easily. People got killed for that, regardless of the war having ended nearly a decade ago. 

“Most outcasts are former soldiers, Heero. You’re not only a Preventer, but a former pilot. If they connect the dots, they might want to take revenge.”

You shivered at that possibility. You frowned as you thought it over. The sooner Heero could leave, the better. 

“They always do,” Heero sighed resignedly. His comment made your heart ache.

“Not always,” you reminded him, remembering how former soldiers had once volunteered to be on Heero’s extraction team. They had done everything they could to get him out of that place. 

As if aware of your thoughts, Heero grunted in agreement.

“Sasaki,” you began in a whisper. You inched slightly closer to Heero’s side, careful this time not to bump into any wound or bruise. “He may not look the type, but he’s viscous. Each of his blood round fighters is carefully chosen. The contesters usually gave him a hard time and sending them to those rounds is Sasaki’s way of extracting revenge. That pig may have taken a liking to me in the beginning, but I was basically on his shit-list after I rejected him.”

Heero simply listened to you as you told him that and more. You felt the tension seep into his muscles and realized that he really wasn’t happy with what he heard. You began to trace patterns across Heero’s chest in a means to distract yourself - and possibly him, too. 

“I was his _Living Nightmare_ , his star fighter.”

“How did you escape?”

You would’ve shrugged had you not been lying on your side. 

“Sasaki once again propositioned me and I was tired of the fighting so I uh … I accepted,” you ended in a whisper.

“What kind of proposition?” Heero questioned darkly.

You hesitated. Something warned you to carefully choose your words.

“Me … In his bed,” you whispered sorrowfully. 

You were unsure whether to pull away or inch closer to Heero when you felt him stiffen. His muscles shifted under your cheek as he forced them to relax again. Seconds ticked by without either of you saying anything.

“You still haven’t said how you got away,” Heero slowly pointed out in a cool, detached voice.

You flinched, your retreat only stopped when Heero tightly grasped your hand. 

“I …” You had a feeling he wouldn’t like your answer anymore than he did your last one. “It’s not exactly something you would be able to use,” you drawled as a last resort. 

“[Name].”

The sharp warning was not to be ignored. You scoffed, tightly closed your eyes, and then just pushed the words past your lips. 

“I slept with the fucker and slammed his head in with a loose brick at the height of his game.”

You still remembered the chill of Sasaki’s touch as you fought not to knock him out too soon. He would’ve been able to stop you. Sasaki’s strength far succeeded your own. But in that moment - right when his movements had sped up to the point of being sloppy - you had hit him as hard as you could with a loose brick. Perhaps if he hadn’t wanted to fuck you in that shed, you wouldn’t have been able to stop him and run. 

“I snuck out through a small hole at the back, but the corrugated iron plates tore open my thigh. Sasaki’s guards weren’t that far off and I didn’t have time to be careful. But I guess I was lucky enough to have the cover of night. I ran into Denzel not long after. The guy took one look at me and took me as far away from there as possible. With all the blood I was losing, those buffoons simply thought I was dead - or so Denzel tells me.”

“And you believe him?”

“If you knew what he and Levi did to get me out of there, you would too.”

“Hn.”

Heero obviously didn’t believe it yet and you didn’t hold it against him. The man’s life had been on the line too many times for him to just believe a random stranger - no matter if you vouched for them.

Silence once more reigned as you stared at the small crack of light beneath the door. Your fingertips once more started moving back and forth over Heero’s skin as you spread and retracted your fingers. You liked the feeling of his warm skin beneath your fingertips. You also liked the idle motion of it. More than anything, though, you liked that fact that Heero’s muscles relaxed further and further as you kept up the movements. You could easily delude yourself into believing he liked the touch to the point of silently craving it.


	6. Chapter 6

“Remarkable,” Levi muttered as his hands prodded Heero’s healing skin. 

“I thought drooling over him was your job,” Denzel murmured thoughtfully as he leaned towards you. 

You bit your lower lip, an elbow quickly shooting out and hitting Denzel in the ribs. The man released a painful grunt, but he kept his mouth shut. Heero’s sharp gaze settled on you two not a second later, the narrowing of his eyes seemingly conveying his dislike of your proximity to the man. 

“I see no reason why you can’t be allowed out of bed,” Levi continued to mutter as he prodded the wound on Heero’s arm next. He hummed thoughtfully. “Do keep your strain to a minimum, though.”

“You heard it, girl. No crazy nights just yet,” Denzel chirped way too happily.

Another elbow in his ribs was Denzel’s reward, but it did little to remove the perverted grin form his lips. Heero glared at Denzel as Levi turned towards you. The medic studied you for a second, before nodding his head towards the hallway. You nodded, quickly following him out. 

“I’ve never seen anyone heal this fast,” Levi pointed out as you shut the door behind you. 

You shrugged in answer, unsure what you could offer the man as answer as to appease his curiosity.

“He’s always been a fast healer.”

“Be that as it may, I suggest you be careful around him, [Name].”

You stared at Levi. Was he concerned about you because he didn’t know Heero and feared him attacking you or did he think you’d jump Heero too soon in his recovery process? With Levi, you could never really tell.

“You know me. I’m always careful,” you muttered in reply.

“Hmmm. Just like I you’re always careful with that leg of yours,” Levi drawled out.

You narrowed your eyes and quickly looked to the side.

“I am careful with it.”

Levi sighed and stuffed his hands into his coat pockets.

“I really wish you would let me examine it again.”

“I told you, Levi. No one is touching my leg ever again.”

Not that he hadn’t done a good enough job the first time he stitched you back together back in Shanghai, but the muscle had never healed properly. Levi had the skill and the resources to fix the damaged muscle, but for some strange reason you wanted the reminder. A bad leg was after all everything you needed to never win a fight again -and thus never again be responsible for another person’s death. Levi shook his head in disagreement, but left it at that. He would try again next time. He almost always did. 

“Call me if anything comes up,” Levi murmured as he disappeared down the hallway.

You shook your head at his persistence. Your gaze shifted towards the door after a few seconds. It probably wasn’t wise to leave an unsupervised Denzel in there for a long period of time. Who knows what he could be telling Heero at this point? 

“Denzel,” you shot out in warning the moment you entered the room again. 

You narrowed your eyes as you eyed the man with obvious distrust. His grin was a bit too wide and his eyes held too much amusement. He and Heero had clearly been talking and it was also obvious that Denzel was more than happy with Heero’s replies. 

“You back already, [Name]? Levi has grown lax if he let you go that easily.”

“And why would he not? I’m good.”

Denzel’s eyes briefly shifted to your leg and you growled in warning, daring him to make any comment.

“Perhaps we should discuss that over some lunch? I’m sure the lad is hungry,” Denzel offered with a raised eyebrow.

“Then you should’ve brought it with you like I asked you to and _the lad_ wouldn’t have needed to be,” you shot back, clearly agitated with Denzel’s suspicious behavior.

Denzel merely laughed as he approached you. One slap on your back forced you to take a step towards Heero. 

“I suggest you help him to his feet, [Name].”

“He can stand on his own,” you pointed out with a dull look at Denzel. 

In fact, Heero was already standing up. You watched him briefly struggle with his shirt. Seeing as he managed to get it on in less than thirty seconds, you didn’t even try to assist him. 

“And here I though you would’ve taken any opportunity to have your hands all over him,” Denzel murmured not too softly. 

You heatedly glared at him for it. The man was sadly too far away for you to either kick him or shove another elbow in his ribs.

“Go bother Kayla if you’re so interested in getting your ass kicked.”

That sobered him up slightly. 

“Thanks, but no thanks. The woman is still on my case about blowing the fuses.”

“Maybe if you two ever worked out how to deal with all that sexual energy between you both, you might actually accomplish something,” you grumbled under your breath.

Denzel shot you a sharp look, but at least he backed down. You really hoped he and Kayla didn’t work things out too quickly. You rather enjoyed using her name as a means to make Denzel back of. 

“I’m going ahead.”

“Yeah. You do that,” you grumbled unhappily.

You cocked your head slightly as you stared at the now visible hallway. He left quite quickly. Had you perhaps pushed too far? 

“He cares for you,” Heero commented when Denzel was long gone. 

You stared at him from the corner of your eyes and simply said, “I know.”

You owed Denzel so much. He was like a mentor to you. If only his teasing wasn’t so over the top, the man would be damn perfect. 

“You ready?” you questioned as Heero reached your side. Heero nodded. “Let’s go then.”

You kept your steps slow, forcing Heero not to push his body too much. The look he sent you conveyed that he knew what you were doing - not that you were going to stop. The fact that Levi had declared him fit enough to leave his bed after barely two days was a miracle - especially considering Heero kept reopening his wounds.

“[Name]!” a voice greeted happily only a few feet away from the small brown and white container you and Denzel had rearranged as your personal on-the-site break room. 

You were still in the yard with shrapnel hazardously placed in large heaps all around you. No other outcasts usually came here unless they absolutely had to. They were too afraid of what Denzel might do to them if they did and accidentally touched his stuff. You turned around, watching Lucy approach with eager strides. 

“Lucy,” you greeted back, your eyes narrowing with distaste as her gaze quickly shifted towards Heero and her eyes glowed brighter because of it.

“Hello, Heero,” Lucy sweetly greeted. 

“Hn.”

Was it bad that you felt strangely good about Heero ignoring Lucy?

“I see you finally made it,” Denzel grumbled as he appeared from the break room behind you. 

Something in his tone put you on edge. You quickly spotted him leaning against the doorway, his narrowed gaze intently focused on something within the small building. 

“Denzel?” you called out unsurely, only to freeze as someone damn familiar appeared in the doorway. 

“Wufei,” Heero greeted with a grunt.

The fact that he wasn’t surprised spoke volumes of his faith in the man’s skill for finding him. That or …

You shot Heero a distrustful glare, before you ignored it all and pushed past Wufei - who had left the break-room and crossed the distance between him and Heero. You irately entered the break room as you ignored both men. 

Great. Now two people - who weren’t supposed to know that you were alive - knew your secret. It was only a matter of time before someone yapped and you got fucked over.

“Wow. Who are you?” you heard Lucy question in her typically high voice - which she only used around men she thought were handsome.

You snorted at the very thought. Denzel followed your example, entering the room - though not without shooting a last lingering glare towards the two Preventers - and going about his normal routine. 

“Does anyone know?” you questioned softly.

Denzel shook his head as he grabbed a plate to pile on some leftover food. 

“He appeared not two minutes ago, claiming he was here for _him_ ,” Denzel shot back with a brief glare towards Heero who was barely visible from the small window. Then, he grabbed his mug and filled it with what was most likely cold coffee. You followed his example - minus the coffee, of course.

“So you’re Heero’s friend?” Lucy questioned excitedly as all three of them entered the break room. 

You ignored them and sat down next to Denzel. Heero sat down next to you, his eyes carefully looking you over. Was he trying to figure out whether you realized what he had done? You grumbled something and shoved your plate to his side. 

“Eat,” you ordered him as you placed your fork in front of him.

Wufei was watching the interaction with obvious surprise and no a small amount of curiosity. 

“Do you want something as well?” Lucy asked Wufei.

“No, thank you,” Wufei politely refused. 

“Don’t you have a project of your own to work on, Lucy?” Denzel drawled. 

Lucy was about to object, but one look from Denzel made her hesitate. It didn’t take long before she turned and left. Wufei - who was still standing near the door - closed it and leaned against the wall. You ignored them all as you fetched another plate of food. Was this the moment where you had to release Heero from your side? If so, then it had come much sooner than you had originally thought. 

“We thought you were dead,” Wufei stated just as you were about to eat. 

You thoughtfully chewed your food, all too aware that Heero wasn’t answering Wufei’s question. A brief look at first him and then Wufei revealed that both men were looking intently at you. Damn. You swallowed down the mouthful and fiercely glared at your plate. Denzel growled warningly, his grip on his fork growing to the point that he was in danger of bending the damn thing. He was more than ready to protect you should you so wish it. You sighed, irritated by the mess you’d gotten yourself tangled in.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You said you were here for the lad,” Denzel commented casually as he stared at Wufei. 

“I am.”

“Then you should stop bothering, [Name].”

You smirked at the heated quality of Denzel’s words. It was a nice feeling to know that he would always have your back. 

“My apologies,” Wufei stated softly, but there was no real emotion behind the words. 

Denzel grumbled something that you couldn’t quite catch, before he focused on finishing his food. The cold coffee remained untouched as the man simply stood up and shot one very obvious look at you. You nodded your head, pushing your plate of relatively untouched food away. It was only Heero’s hand landing on your thigh that made you freeze. A quick look his way revealed a too intense expression and a silent order for you to stay - one you were hesitant to listen to.

“[Name]?” Denzel questioned, not completely oblivious to the silent exchange. 

You sighed, your shoulders slumping forward.

“Apparently, I’m staying,” you grumbled unhappily.

“You sure?” Denzel pressed, his frown conveying he recognized your reluctance to do so.

You shrugged and propped your chin on your hand - and your elbow on the table - with a petulant pout on your lips. 

“Seems like some people finally want to do something about certain assholes,” you murmured in response, your angry gaze focused intently on Wufei. The man looked unimpressed. 

It took a few seconds before Denzel nodded in understanding. 

“As long as you’re not going to do anything stupid,” he drawled softly.

“Define stupid,” you shot back with a small smirk, your gaze shifting towards him. 

“Stupid like upset Levi.”

You snorted, your lips pulling further up at the very idea. 

“I’m not that crazy.”

“Not yet,” Denzel muttered as he made his way towards the door. He briefly halted near Wufei’s side until he had the man’s attention. “You force her back into that fighting fiasco and it’ll be me you’ll have to worry about,” he threatened in a dangerously low voice.

Wufei didn’t seem impressed, although those sharp black eyes did focus on you for a brief second. His curiosity was obviously piqued.

“Denzel,” you warned him with narrowed eyes.

Denzel shot you a brief and more than frustrated look. You knew he resented not being able to help you with this. 

“The same goes for you,” Denzel bit out, his angry glare now focused on Heero. 

Whatever camaraderie had been between them before was long gone now. Denzel only backed off when Heero nodded his head. Then, the man disappeared from the room, the door slamming shut behind him. You unconsciously flinched while you tried your hardest not to associate the sound with a distant memory that tried to take over. 

“Fighting fiasco?” Wufei voiced curiously. 

“It’s nothing,” you quickly shot out.

It was obvious Wufei didn’t believe you. His gaze briefly shifted towards Heero - the question more than obvious - but Heero merely shook his head. 

“Who is Levi?” Wufei voiced next.

“A medic,” Heero pointed out as he withdrew his hand. You were hard pressed not to shoot him a look and silently demand he leave his hand were it was. 

“And how is he tied into this?” Wufei pushed onwards.

“He’s not,” you answered him when the silence told you that that particular question had been directed towards you.

“Hn.”

Great. Now you had two man grunting like cavemen. 

“Now is there any particular reason why I needed to stay?” you questioned with a dry look at Heero.

“You accepted my offer,” Heero merely pointed out as he briefly ignored Wufei.

“And I repaid it in kind. You know all there is to know about Sasaki.”

Heero’s lips briefly pulled upwards.

“Not that offer.”

You frowned, before you understood just what he was referring to. Then, you simply avoided those strangely amused Prussian blue eyes, your cheeks heating slightly as you thought back to the pure bliss of having supple lips moving across your own. It had been foolish, yet sooo worth it.

“Ah.”

“I’d ask what you two are talking about, but I have the feeling you’re not going to share,” Wufei grumbled. 

You shot him a brief look. He seemed strangely relaxed. A decade of peace - not to mention working for the Preventers - seemed to have done him some good. 

Heero only stared at his friend in silence. Wufei shook his head as he crossed his arms across his chest.

“You left quite the trail to follow, Yuy,” Wufei pointed out to his friend.

Was he scolding Heero or simply stating a fact? You weren’t sure which one was true. 

“They attacked me,” Heero pointed out in his defense.

“Which was why I wanted to meet with you. We picked up chatter about someone setting his sights on you.”

“Hn.”

“Off course you decided to come out and meet me with complete disregard to your own safety,” Wufei reprimanded.

You frowned, your gaze flickering back towards Heero. The man seemed impartial about it. You, however, weren’t.

“Guess nothing much has changed, huh?” you murmured sadly. 

Something about those words didn’t sit well with Heero. He frowned, his eyes searching out and holding your own. 

“Everything has changed,” he told you softly. 

You weren’t sure what kind of reaction he expected from you, but you had the feeling you were letting him down. Wufei decided to focus his attention on you again. 

“Sally’s been worrying herself sick about you, [Last Name].” You tore your eyes away from Heero and shot a sour look at Wufei. You and Sally had been friends. She was the one who helped you acquire the job at Preventer’s central command. It was through her that you got to know Wufei - and perhaps also a little bit extra about Heero. “Not to mention that -”

“I’m sure many people have been worried about my disappearance,” you interrupted in a steely voice. There was no denying that fact. “But I had my reasons for staying gone - not that I expect you to understand any of them.”

Wufei narrowed his eyes. 

“I see you’ve grown a backbone.”

“And I see you’ve mellowed down,” you shot back haughtily. There had been a time when he would’ve lectured you about your behavior. Now, however, he merely seemed amused. “Anyway. Regardless of that, I’m sure you both have places to be and things to do,” you nonchalantly stated.

Your tone - and perhaps the words as well - forced Heero’s gaze to flicker your way again. 

“We do,” Wufei stated.

“I’m not leaving,” Heero pointed out at the same time, his entire body projecting his unwillingness to leave.

“You should, though. You said it yourself that Sasaki wants you for himself. He’s not going to stop and I’d rather not get caught in the crossfire,” you indifferently stated, but you didn’t feel half as unaffected at the thought of Heero leaving as you tried to project. “And you!” You turned your attention towards Wufei. “I suggest you keep your mouth shut about having met me and this place. The less people know about it, the better.”

“And why is that?” Wufei shot back, his eyes slightly narrowed. Undoubtedly, Wufei already had his opinion formed about your reasoning. 

“Because as far as people are aware, I’m dead. And I’d like to keep it that way.”

“Because of Sasaki?”

You froze, only now realizing your mistake. Damn. That name had slipped past your lips twice in the last few minutes. Even if you could lie about it, you doubted Wufei would believe you now. The man was too bright to believe any half-assed lie you could come up with. Damn it! This is why you should’ve left with Denzel when you still had the chance! 

A brief look at Heero proved that he wouldn’t be of much use to you. Your earlier words had obviously stirred emotions on which you didn’t want to linger and which he seemed strangely offended by. You felt trapped, unsure what road to take. 

“Amongst others,” you finally stated.

“We’re working on taking him down,” Wufei pointed out, to which you chuckled humorlessly. 

“Four years too late, Chang.”

“Then she was right,” Wufei mused unhappily. Wufei’s gaze grew more intense, frightening you with the prospect of having to be under such scrutiny. You unconsciously fisted your hands, your muscles tensing, and your need to run rising with each second. “How did you end up there?”

Your lips thinned as your tension rose even more. Like hell you would tell him anything! 

“None of your damn business,” you growled as your eyes narrowed with defiance. 

Heero recognized the stubborn set of your jaw. He leaned closer, his lips inches from your ear. You stiffened at the proximity, but allowed him near. Even if you were unsure of what he was about to do or say, you refused to flinch and retreat. 

“Tell us, [Name],” he softly told you.

“No.”

“Then let me make you another offer.”

You fought the intrigue, willing yourself to stay cautious. The last two offers Heero had made hadn’t quite worked out in your favor - at least not entirely so. Your eyes remained locked with the slightly confused onyx ones across from you, but your entire attention was on Heero. Wufei was carefully observing the interaction.

“You liked my kiss,” Heero told you softly, stating a fact.

“Maybe,” you muttered unhappily. 

You glanced at Heero - or what you could see of him - from the corner of your eyes. Those sinful lips quirked upwards again at your sullen acknowledgment. 

“And you want more,” Heero continued just as softly.

Your breath hitched. Was he seriously willing to offer you further access? Yes. Yes, he was. The light in his eyes conveyed that he was dead serious about this. 

“So in exchange for that, you’ll tell us what we want to know.”

“Just the one?” you questioned skeptically. 

That smirk was back. He was getting exactly what he wanted and he knew it. You weren’t sure how to feel about it. 

“As many as you want.”

Damn it! How could you possibly refuse that?!

“I …”

“But for that, you’ll tell us everything we want to know,” Heero warned, pulling back slightly. 

You unconsciously licked your lips as you watched Heero’s strangely tender eyes. Your attention briefly flittered back to Wufei as he shifted. He was growing impatient. You cursed softly as you shot Heero a frustrated look.

“Sasaki has close ties to a man called Aklon Rajput. He deals in -”

“Women,” Wufei interrupted you, his eyes narrowed and his glare fierce enough to make you look away. 

“Yes,” you bit out.

“That’s how you know him? Through Rajput.”

“Sasaki bought me from Rajput,” you hissed angrily. 

Wufei approached the table and sat down across from you.

“Explain,” he simply ordered.

All that ordering around was pissing you off. Heero’s hand covering your own - though it did startle you at first and earned Wufei’s curios observation again - made you aware of the growing tension in your body. You forced yourself to relax as you gave them what they both wanted to hear. 

“I stupidly got involved with a guy who had more than a few gambling debts.” Anton hadn’t been the safest guy to go out with, but he had the looks and the humor to make you want to take the risk. Sadly, it hadn’t been worth it. “The fucker drugged me and sold me to Rajput who then sold me to Sasaki.”

The brief tightening of Heero’s hand above your own warned you that Heero would be asking more in-depth questions later. You weren’t looking forward to it.

“Sadly Rajput died last year,” Wufei muttered. 

You frowned. The world was better off without him, but for so long you had wanted to be the one to extract revenge on him and now that chance was lost.

“Preventers caught him in Prague,” Heero offered, his voice belying how much he wanted to hurt the man. 

“I don’t care about that as long as he suffered in those last moments,” you murmured heatedly, glaring at the table. The tense silence belied the shock of both men. Were they really that surprised by your vindictive attitude? “You try surviving for five months in his hands and see how much you want that filthy pig to squeal in pain,” you bit out in your defense.

You lost some of your anger as Heero’s knee bumped against your own, his hand soon coming to rest on your thigh. You didn’t dare look his way, fearful of what you might see in his eyes. 

“He suffered,” Wufei stated evenly. 

Your gaze rose, your eyes searching his for any possible lie. When you realized he wasn’t lying, you released a sharp breath. 

“Good.”

“And if you tell us the name of who drugged and sold you to Rajput, we’ll make him pay as well.”

You knew Wufei wasn’t talking about taking a gun and shooting Anton’s brains out, but the image did appear very briefly. 

“Anton Brivio,” you murmured.

Wufei nodded, his steely eyes never once projecting anything but sheer determination. You knew you could trust him to go after Anton once he could. 

“Now as for Sasaki …,” he trailed off, leaving you the opening to start your story.

You told him everything you had told Heero so far. Wufei was much more cutthroat in his questioning, demanding details you hadn’t even wanted to share with Heero. You hated revealing as much as you were. The more you did reveal, however, the more Heero’s offer echoed through your mind. It was the only reason you kept answering.

As you shot a brief look at Heero, you made a vow to collect on his offer the moment you could.


	7. chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm laying the finishing touches on this story. Updates will be happening more frequently from now on! I hope you all are still out there and enjoying this story. Please don't hesitate to let me know what you think ^_^/

“No,” Wufei denied again.

“I’ve already told you all there is to know!”

Revealing - and partly reliving - it all had been tiring, which was the very reason you were so grouchy now. 

“I believe that,” Wufei stated softly. 

“Then leave it at that and just go.”

You hated the fact that it came out pleading. Wufei’s eyes couldn’t hide the fact that he was torn about it. 

“I won’t lie to your sister,” Wufei suddenly stated.

You blinked, your mouth opening and closing a few times as you tried to process his words. What did that have to do with keeping your secret?

“And what does Rani have to do with this?”

“She’s been searching for you non-stop for the last four years.”

“So I’ve heard,” you dully stated, leaning backwards. Your lack of interest in the matter wasn’t pleasing Wufei. In fact, the man looked pretty murderous because of it. 

“You finally told her,” Heero observed after carefully watching Wufei’s reaction. It was obvious that there was a shared secret between them both and that only confused you. Your eyes shifted towards Wufei as you thought about what the guy could’ve finally told Rani?

“About six months ago,” Wufei grumbled as his lips twitched upwards and his eyes softened slightly.

“Wait! _You and Rani_?!”

Wufei scowled, obviously upset at your dumbfounded surprise. 

“Yes,” he gruffly confirmed.

“But …” 

Your eyes shifted from Wufei to Heero and back. How had that even happened?! You opened your mouth to question him about it, but then thought better of it. It wasn’t as if you couldn’t see it happening. 

“But what?” Wufei pressed in a tense voice.

“Nothing. I just … I just thought that …,” you mused softly as your eyes once more shifted towards Heero.

You had honestly thought that Rani’s interest in Heero had been genuine, yet they hadn’t lasted at all. Had she only gone after him because you had shown an interest? You wouldn’t put it above her. You sighed and shook your head, the soft frown belying your internal struggle.

“Never mind,” you muttered.

If Wufei and Rani had been together for six months already, it was - as far as you knew - the longest relationship she had ever been in. You should be happy for her - and in a way you truly were - but it was hard to comprehend that your sister had slowly build a life for herself while you had been barely surviving.

“I’m happy for her,” you added softly, though it didn’t sound as heartfelt as it probably should’ve been.

“You should tell her that,” Wufei shot back in a steely voice.

You snorted. The man was persistent all right. 

“Maybe in a year or five,” you grumbled irritably. Your answer, however, was not appreciated.

“You would let your sister worry for nothing?!” Wufei demanded hotly.

“I would protect my sister with my own life if it came down to it,” you shot back at him angrily.

“Wufei!” Heero sharply stated just as the guy was about to say something else.

Wufei’s gaze met his and a silent battle of wills commenced. When Wufei’s shoulders slightly slumped, you knew Heero had won this battle.

“I apologize,” Wufei tersely stated, his gaze once more meeting your own. Even though he said the words, you could still see how much he wanted to push you towards revealing yourself to your sister. Did he truly love her that much? “But you don’t know how much your sister is suffering because of this.”

“As long as Sasaki is alive and out there, no one would be safe if I revealed myself. Least of all Rani,” you pointed out simply. Surely Wufei could understand that. A forceful exhale from Wufei revealed that he did see your point, even though he wasn’t necessarily happy with it.

“Very well. But Sasaki will be stopped,” Wufei stated confidently. You didn’t believe him, but you didn’t dare voice those thoughts. “And then you’ll see her again.”

“Either way, such a thing would take time,” you pointed out. You would not live on false hope, nor would you be bullied into doing something until you were ready for it. “You still have nothing except radio chatter.”

Wufei gazed thoughtfully at Heero. 

Oh, hell no!

Heero wasn’t an active agent anymore. You weren’t certain if the man wouldn’t go undercover should Wufei - and therefore the Preventers - ask it of him. The rising fury in Heero’s gaze - visible whenever you mentioned what Sasaki had done to you - alone convinced you of that fact. Somehow, though, you couldn’t stomach the idea of Heero at Sasaki’s mercy. You would do everything you could to prevent it!

“But maybe I can help you with that,” you muttered wearily. 

“[Name],” Heero growled, but you ignored him.

“Are you really prepared to face Sasaki again?” Wufei pressed, more than willing to take the help you offered.

“Yes,” you stated calmly, but it didn’t look like Wufei believed you. Your voice may have been indifferent, but that didn’t mean that your entire body wasn’t betraying your true thoughts. You felt queasy just thinking about being near Sasaki again. “I’ll even see my sister if that’s what you want,” you added softly. Anything to stop him from thinking Heero was the right choice to use as bait. 

“[Name], -”

“It’s fine,” you shot out before Heero could say anything more. You got up, your gaze on the door rather than on either of the two men. “I can leave within the hour, but I won’t go without telling Denzel. He’s done too much for me to leave him in the dark.”

“You trust him enough for that?” Wufei questioned harshly. 

“More than I do you,” you shot back darkly, following it up with a haughty glance. 

Wufei scowled, his eyes darkening in dismay. He nodded his consent even if you hadn’t needed nor wanted it. The need to leave that room overtook you, so you flung open the door and crossed the yard with quick and eager strides. Denzel should be around here somewhere.

You found him after barely two minutes. Denzel was thankfully alone, his entire focus on the thrusters before him. You waited for him to notice you, but that could take some time - Denzel barely having cracked the outer coating of the thing and the noise of the machine would not make it easy to capture his attention.

“What are you doing here?” you questioned softly, all too aware of Heero’s approach. You shot him a brief look, but the guarded gaze you encountered kept most of Heero’s true thoughts from you. The only thing you could make out was that he was not happy. 

“You revealed a lot in there,” Heero stated.

“And here I thought you came to quote an earlier offer,” you muttered dejectedly, a sad smile curving your lips. 

“You want a kiss already?” 

The words were slightly teasing, but the tone was far from warm. You sighed, not sure if you could deal with this right now. 

“I was actually referring to the one about staying at my side, but now that you mention it …”

Heero’s eyes turned wistful and you gazed back at Denzel in order to avoid Heero’s gaze. The outer coating was cracking. It would only be a few more minutes before he would put that noisy machine down and you could holler his name. 

“You don’t have to do this, [Name],” Heero pointed out. 

A quick look at him confirmed that he didn’t want you to do it. It was strange how easily you managed to catch that sentiment when you looked at him. 

“I think I do,” you murmured with a soft shake of your head. 

If only to keep him safe - which was a stupid thought. You weren’t sure why you so easily would do so, but you couldn’t deny the deep need. Denzel was nearly done and it was better if Heero wasn’t anywhere near the guy when you told him of your foolish decision. 

“I want you to stay here when I talk to Denzel.”

“So you can collect?” Heero demanded evenly.

Did he mean to tease you with those words? A quick glance proved that there was no amusement visible in his eyes. You sighed a third time and worried your lower lip as you thought about what to do. Then, you just thought ‘fuck it all’ and went for what you wanted. You turned, wrapped your hand around Heero’s neck, leaned forward, and kissed Heero as if it was the last thing you’d be doing. 

“Because I don’t want Denzel to attack you in his anger,” you told him when you pulled back just as Denzel’s machine stopped. Heero didn’t move as you pulled back and turned away from him. 

“Denzel!” you yelled at the top of your lungs. 

The man turned around, one eyebrow already raised in question. 

“Took your time getting back to me I see,” he stated with a smirk. 

“Can you blame me? I’d take two hot guys over you any day of the week,” you yelled back at him with fake enthusiasm. 

Denzel threw his head back and laughed. You would miss both this easygoing banter and the sound of his laughter. 

“What’s wrong, [Name]?” Denzel questioned worriedly when he saw your sorrowful gaze. 

“I …” You sighed, ran a shaking hand through your hair, and then decided to just plow on ahead, “I might have done something stupid.”

Denzel’s gaze briefly shifted towards Heero, the steel glint in his eyes making you all the more aware of how much this man had your back.

“You killed the other guy and need my help burying the body?” Denzel questioned darkly. You snorted, the sound slightly distorted as you released a sad whine at the same time. “You’re worrying me, [Name].”

“I’m leaving, Denzel,” you told him with a sad heart. 

Denzel’s eyes narrowed as he searched your gaze.

“With them?”

There was no denying that Denzel already knew your answer, but you still chose to vocalize it.

“Yes.”

“I see,” Denzel answered curtly. You flinched in response.

“Denzel, I -”

“Sasaki’s still out there. You sure you want to risk it?” Denzel questioned harshly. You bit your lower lip and avoided his direct gaze. 

“That’s just it, Denzel. I’m … Ah, fuck. I’m going to help them catch Sasaki,” you guiltily revealed.

“…”

A silent Denzel was never a good sign. A brief glance his way revealed that Denzel was scowling in Heero’s direction.

“Stop it, Denzel! Heero doesn’t want me to go anymore than you do.” Even if you didn’t quite understand why that was. “This is my idea and my decision.”

“But, [Name], you’re leg -”

“Is just fine!” you quickly hissed. Denzel may have lowered his voice, but you weren’t sure how much Heero could overhear and you’d rather not risk him finding any possible reason to stop you from doing this. “I know you don’t like it, but you were the one who told me to start living.”

“Start living, yes! But I sure as hell didn’t tell you to go back to that ass and get yourself killed!” Denzel cried out, his voice rising in his anger.

“I won’t get myself killed!”

“You’re still a terrible liar,” Denzel hissed with a dark scowl. Your own response was to frown and quickly look to the side. 

“I’m not lying,” you tried.

“Yeah? Next you’re going to say that that swine won’t make you fight again.”

“He might not,” you futilely pushed on.

“Bullshit!”

“Denzel -”

“No! Don’t you forget that I know you better than anyone, so don’t you dare stand there and tell me you’re going to fight to win! This is just you committing suicide!”

You stared at Denzel as sadness wrapped around your heart. In a way, though, you knew he was right. You could tell him all of your reasons, but you knew he wouldn’t understand it. Perhaps letting him be angry with you was the better choice in the long run.

“I’m still doing this,” you stubbornly told him.

“Then you’re a bigger fool than I ever thought!” Denzel shouted as he turned and stormed off.

You watched him go with a deep remorse running through you. Denzel had done so much for you in the last few years and this was a terrible way to repay him. 

“He’s most likely going to confront Wufei about this,” you whispered when Heero halted next to you. 

“Wufei can take care of himself.”

“Even against the likes of him?”

Heero placed his hand against your lower back, rubbing gentle circles there. It bothered you how easy you relaxed beneath that touch - or how easy it was for Heero to offer it - but you were none the less grateful for it as well. 

“What are you really afraid of?” Heero questioned softly. 

You chuckled. He always was a too damn perceptive guy.

“He’ll never want to talk to me again,” you whispered miserably. The very thought that you would never again see Denzel or talk to him made your throat constrict. 

“I doubt that. He’s very fond of you,” Heero tried to console you, but the guy knew so little about the strange relationship you and Denzel had built over the last four years.

“Yeah. He is, isn’t he?” you instead whispered. 

“[Name],” Heero murmured as stepped in front of you. 

You didn’t let him address what he wanted. Instead, you leaned forward and wrapped your arms around Heero’s neck. Your lips were already sealing his mouth before he could stop you and you simply took what you wanted from him. Only when you pulled back, did he surprise you by following your retreat and never breaking the kiss. Those warm, supple lips of his molded your own lips, teasing you slightly with their presence before becoming nearly demanding in their pursuit. 

Damn, the guy just took your breath away. Literally so. You were breathing hard by the time you two pulled apart. A soft groan escaped you as you looked at Heero, feeling an almost overpowering need to simply lean forward again. He looked too damn good with kiss-swollen lips and a slightly heated glint in those blue eyes. You realized in that very moment that Heero Yuy was a very dangerous man indeed. 

“Careful, Heero,” you warned softly. You briefly closed your eyes as you tried to calm your racing heart. “I’ll be inclined to think you want this just as badly as you think I do.”

“And why is that?” he huskily questioned.

You hummed in thought, a silly smile lifting your lips as you went for seconds - even though you kept it light and almost teasing. After all, why would you ever deny yourself it? The more you kissed him, however, the more you were convinced that you wouldn’t be able to survive without it. 

“[Name]?” Kayla called out from somewhere behind you.

Damn! 

You quickly pulled away, forcing yourself to act as normal as you could as you turned around. 

“Kayla,” you greeted back in a slightly breathless voice.

You didn’t like the way she kept eying you. Nor did you particularly enjoy that challenging smile to her lips.

“I ran into Denzel on my way over, but he was too pissed to stop and offer me an explanation. I figured it was something you did, so imagine my surprise when I walk in on this scene. I can’t imagine he’d be prickly about you kissing a guy, so … What else did you partake in?” Kayla questioned with a sly smile. 

“Excuse me?! I do believe the guy’s still a bit too under the weather to be a decent participant just yet,” you quickly told Kayla before she got more of those silly ideas. 

Heero’s grunt - though it was most likely your imagination - seemed to be telling you the exact opposite. You didn’t dare look at him in order to verify what he was thinking. Who knew what you might do next if you saw him staring at you like he had earlier? No, it was best to focus on Kayla for the moment. Speaking of, you hated saying goodbye to her.

“Kayla …”

“Hm? What’s wrong, [Name]?” Kayla quickly questioned with a soft frown. Your sudden change in attitude hadn’t been unnoticed. 

“I know I never said it, but … Thank you for everything,” you told her with a soft smile, but that just made her frown turn into an outright scowl.

“Now you sound like you’re leaving.” You looked impish and simply shrugged. “Oh my gosh! You really are leaving?! That would explain why Denzel is so pissed,” Kayla ended with a soft whisper.

“Don’t be too hard on the man while I’m gone,” you nearly begged her. 

“You know he needs it from time to time.”

“Doesn’t mean he needs it all the time.”

Kayla looked slightly guilty as she looked to the side. 

“How about I cook something amazing for us tonight?” she offered so as not to linger on her and Denzel.

“I … I’m not going to be here tonight, Kayla,” you whispered sadly and the disappointed glint in her eyes nearly made you flinch. 

“That soon, huh?”

“Something came up and …,” you trailed off when Kayla held up her hand. She shook her head.

“You don’t need to explain it to me. Just come back in one piece, okay?”

Could you really promise that, though? 

You simply nodded your head - the words too hard to push past your lips - and Kayla left after that. 

“You’re coming back to them,” Heero softly stated at your pensive mood.

You didn’t think it was right to contradict him on it either.


	8. chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to heat up as two old acquaintances make their entrance: Une and Rani. Feel free to share your thoughts. I'd love to know what you think of them.

“Rani,” you whispered, too much in shock from seeing her standing there.

You had caught a flight to Brussels the very same night. An agent was sent to pick you up, but if you had known that such an agent would’ve been your sister …

You weren’t ready yet to deal with her! 

“[Name],” Rani whispered despondently. She took a step forward, then another and another and another - until she was standing right in front of you. She threw her arms around you and held on for dear life, sobbing against your shoulder. “You’re alive!” she mumbled over and over again.

The sheer relief in her voice nearly made you break and you hesitantly raised your own arms so you could hold her close. This meeting was undoubtedly Wufei’s doing and you glared at him for it. If he knew what you were planning - or what a meeting with Sasaki truly meant for you - he wouldn’t have put Rani through this.

“I’m sorry, Rani,” you whispered, honestly saddened at seeing her in this state.

Rani quickly - and quite vehemently - shook her head. 

“No. It’s my fault. I knew how you felt and I … I’m so sorry, [Name],” she hiccupped. 

You scoffed, not entire pleased to know you had been right on that account. 

“We all did stupid shit,” you pointed out dully. Yours was giving Anton a chance to fuck you over -though maybe agreeing to any of this could also be defined as ‘stupid shit’. 

Rani pulled back with a shocked look. She stared at you for a few seconds, searching your gaze. 

“You’ve changed,” she muttered with a sad smile.

“Apparently,” you grumbled, hating how people kept pointing that out. They all seemed so sad about it. Was the new you not good then? 

“Rani,” Wufei began, placing a comforting hand on your sister’s lower back. Rani brushed away the tears and pasted on a smile for her lover. “We should get going. Staying in the open isn’t a good idea,” Wufei continued once he had Rani’s attention.

Though she did frown, Rani only nodded in consent and let the way to the car. She would’ve never done so four years ago. That girl loved arguing about the silliest thing - usually with disastrous results. Perhaps being with Wufei was doing her some good.

The car ride itself was made in relative silence. You did spend all about of two minutes fussing over Heero as his movements hadn’t been quite so steady. Levi had told you that he needed to take it easy. Taking a plane only seven hours later was not following orders - though apparently that depended on who you asked. 

“I’m fine!” Heero had stated curtly, forcing you to back off. 

All the time, though, Rani kept shooting you glances through the rearview mirror - although she wisely refrained from speaking. Your sudden appearance was obviously not a subject to be discussed just yet. You wondered if she would ever get the chance to do so.

“Une is meeting you in D-20, sixth floor,” Rani offered the moment she briefly pulled over near the underground elevator. 

Both Heero and Wufei were out of the car when Rani halted you by grabbing your arm. 

“I hope we can talk soon,” she whispered hopefully to which you nodded your head. 

You only hesitated for a few seconds, before you plunged on by saying, “It wasn’t your fault, Rani. I hope you know that.” 

Your heart dropped as Rani drove away, the tires screeching on the artificial concrete of the underground parking lot. Wufei led the way towards the conference room where Une was already waiting with such a stern gaze that you briefly forgot to breathe. Then, her gaze moved towards Heero and you breathed a sigh of relief.

“Sit down, Yuy, before you fall down.”

Heero grunted, but did as she told him to. You sat down next to him, worriedly looking towards Heero’s abdomen. His shirt was revealing a slightly red stain. His stitches had most likely opened with all the excess movements. You worried your lip, your unease rising. 

“Miss [Last Name] -”

“[Name],” you interrupted her. 

“Excuse me?”

“Just [Name], please.”

Une regarded you for a silent minute, before nodding her assent. 

“Very well. Wufei tells me you are willing to help us.”

“I am.”

“Do you understand the severity of what we would be asking of you?”

“Yes.”

Une’s gaze briefly shifted towards Heero, her sharp eyes not missing the slight shift in Heero’s posture. 

“And after all you’ve been through, you think you’re ready to face Sasaki again?” she questioned next in a tone that made you shoot a fleeting glance at Wufei.

“Yes.” Short answers were the best as they didn’t betray how dangerously close you were to freaking out - although Une’s frown made you revise that thought. You took a deep breath, hoping your voice wouldn’t break and continued with, “You need an inside man. Planting one of your agents would take days if not months and still risk Sasaki never showing his face.”

“But you feel confident he will expose himself to you?”

“Yes. He’ll want his revenge for what I did to him,” you answered her with a dangerous smirk.

Une watched you carefully, her gaze assessing the true extent of your motivation. 

“He’ll throw you into a blood match the moment he can,” Une stated in order to determine the true extent of your motivation. Doing so also confirmed that Wufei had indeed briefed her about _everything_ you had told him.

“Most likely,” you agreed nonplussed.

“Are you really prepared to fight again?”

“Yes.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. You would fight even if there would never be any intention to win - for winning meant that you’d be responsible for yet another person dying. 

“Then it’s an option I have to consider,” Une mused as she once more looked at her papers. You shot her a dull look. She was fishing for something. There was no need to _just_ consider this. You were their most valuable and likely option for bringing Sasaki to justice. Yet as you looked at Une, you could read in her eyes that she was not entirely comfortable with your proposition. “But even if we agree to any of this, there’s still the matter of our locator,” Une muttered unhappily.

“Is the prototype still not functional?” Wufei questioned gruffly. 

Une shook her head, a heavy sigh passing her lips.

“We can’t manage to fabricate one out of complete plastic unless we want to go larger again. The smaller ones that do work still have traces of metal in them so they’re useless.”

Ah. So that was their grand plan. You clenched and unclenched your hand in thought. There was an option none of them had yet considered - an option that made you an even more likely candidate for the job.

“Not necessarily.”

That caught everyone’s attention.

“There is a place on my body that doesn’t allow metal to be detected due to the ink that was used.”

“You’re inked?”

You smirked, your eyes catching Heero’s surprised ones. 

“My choice, but their doing.” You shrugged, downplaying how it had really happened. “They didn’t have the best material for it so there are small traces of metal in the ink.”

“It does seem like a viable option to explore,” Une mused softly. You patiently waited for her to make a decision. “How big is this tattoo of yours, [Name]?”

You stood up, lifted your shirt, and showed her the black butterfly design just above your left hip. 

“It should work,” Wufei muttered, shooting a questioning glance at Une. 

Une nodded in agreement.

“Are you absolutely certain about doing this, [Name]?”

It would not only put an end to people’s suffering, but it would also keep Heero safe. There was therefore only one answer in mind that you could give her.

“Yes.”

“Then it well be done. I’ll contact the med bay.” Une’s eyes briefly shifted towards Heero. The instructions for him to get himself checked out were more than clear in her gaze. “I’ll tell them to expect the both of you in thirty minutes.” She then turned towards Wufei. “I want an update on the possible locations of the local fighting ring. We need to handle this with care.”

“We can leak some information through the usual sources,” Wufei shot back, already thinking of possible actions to be taken.

Une nodded. 

“Do that. Tell them she’s been spotted near the downlink area.”

Une’s gaze once more focused on you. 

“We’ll wait two days before we drop you. That should give you ample time to prepare and for us to test the tracker.”

You nodded. With everything taken care of, Une stood up . 

“It’s a brave thing you’re doing,” Une stated as she passed you by.

“Some would call it stupid,” you shot back as you thought of Denzel.

“That entirely depends on what you do once you see Sasaki again,” Une commented softly. You pivoted in your chair so you could watch her better. Une was a smart woman. Had she figured out that you didn’t intend to win a single fight? She briefly stopped before leaving. “I’ll arrange a room for you both to spend the night. I’m sure you could do with some well deserved sleep.”

With that said, she disappeared from the room. Wufei followed, most likely to discuss the details for the operation in private. You sighed, surprised by the amount of tension that seeped from your body. You hadn’t realized you had been that anxious.

You stared at the clock. It was a quarter past ten. You would usually be pestering Denzel about some stupid project he had assigned you. Lucy would undoubtedly be around to compete with you -demanding Denzel to offer that project to her. You shook your head to stop your foolish thoughts from wandering there.

“You can still back out.”

Heero’s sudden comment made you turn towards him. He was watching you carefully - who knew for how long. You shot him a soft smile. 

“I don’t want to.”

For his sake, you didn’t. Besides, the longer you were on this course, the longer you knew this was the right thing to do. You had been hiding for too long. Sasaki might have been brought to justice years ago if you had only gathered the necessary courage to do so.

Heero’s eyes narrowed and a flash of apprehension raced through you. 

“Why did you get that tattoo?” 

“Heero,” you sighed out tiredly.

“My offer was for everything we needed to know.”

You rolled your eyes.

“And you have everything you need to know.” 

“I need to know this.”

You leaned closer to him, your knees barely brushing his thigh as you regarded Heero carefully. 

“You _need_ to,” you mused.

Heero leaned further against his chair as you stood up and towered over him, your hands on either side of his body. You supposed you could tell him. There was no harm in him knowing your reasoning. You briefly let your lips brush against his own, only to moan in satisfaction when Heero followed your too early retreat. If he wanted to give you a proper kiss, then who were you to deny him it? 

His lips moved over your own with a certitude that made you sigh, your lips parting ever so slightly. For the first time you felt his tongue brush between the gap and you opened your mouth further. One hand took hold of your neck, holding you in place as he deftly prodded your own tongue. Your hands twitched as you fought the urge to reach out. Heero’s retreat was allowed with great sadness. Your breaths were fast as you held his heated gaze. Damn. If one didn’t know about the price you had paid, one would almost believe that Heero kissed you for the thrill of it. 

Heero’s hand resettled on your side - just above your hip. It was his way of repeating the question. 

“I had a scar there once - an ugly white line that zigzagged like crazy. Sasaki didn’t like it. He considered it to be Rajput’s mark on me, so he made me an offer. Either I do something about it or he would. I rather preferred the first option so I opted for a tattoo.”

A flash of rage appeared in his eyes when you finished your tale and straightened yourself, but Heero’s hand never fell away. His heat seeped into your skin through your shirt and you took a step backwards to avoid his touch - unless you wanted more things from him than you could get. 

“And how did you acquire the scar?” Heero questioned as you stretched and moved towards the window.

You moaned in frustration. Every time you offered him one answer, he would come up with another question. You turned back towards Heero, the night view of the city exchanged for the image of a brooding man. 

“How did you acquire yours?” you shot back haughtily. 

If you thought he was going to remain silent, you were obviously mistaken.

“Jumping of a building without a parachute, blowing myself up, crashing a bike, a knife fight or three, badly healed bullet wounds, whip -”

“Stop!” you yelled, your eyes wide and your hands tightly fisted at your side.

Your eyes itched with suppressed tears. Heero frowned when he noticed. 

“You asked,” he stated coolly. 

“And it would’ve been nice if you hadn’t summed it all up like it’s the most normal thing in the world,” you growled. 

“It is in my world.”

“But not in mine!” You hesitated, your eyes shifting towards the ground. “At least … not until …”

“I’m sorry.”

And he did sound apologetic. You shook your head, quickly rubbing at your eyes to remove any evidence of possible tears. 

“I don’t care how many scars you have, Heero,” you pointed out softly. You didn’t dare look at him while you spoke. “I just wish you felt something that would make you think twice about taking those risks again.”

The silence was stifling and it unsettled you. In order to escape it, you simply turned back towards the window and took in the many buildings and street lights in front of you. 

“I do,” Heero softly stated. 

“I suppose that’s good,” you murmured, not sure if Heero could hear you. You sighed deeply, the regret you felt clearly audible. “I got mine while fighting Rajput.”

You didn’t need to see Heero to know he was most likely glaring at your back. You knew, though, that whatever anger he felt, it wasn’t directed to you. Every time you mentioned either Rajput or Sasaki, Heero had a habit of glaring. It was almost nice to know he cared at least that much about it.

“He wanted to test his merchandise and I basically showed him how dangerous I could be.” You chuckled humorlessly. “Hurt him pretty good, too. I heard he couldn’t get it up anymore after that.”

It had been luck that had kept you from being molested by that man. The fool had thought you to be some weak whimpering woman that froze at the sight of Rajput’s rotting teeth and languid build hovering over her. You, however, had managed to steal his knife - again dumb luck - and cut him badly, but he had repaid that favor in kind. 

“I’m pretty sure that he would’ve killed me if Sasaki hadn’t arrived that day and bought me.”

“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for,” Heero remarked casually.

You blinked, not having expected that kind of compliment from him.

“Excuse me?” You turned towards Heero, staring at him in confusion. “Who told you I think I’m not strong?”

“No one needs to tell me. I can see it in your eyes whenever you talk about those bastards.”

“You were staring at my back,” you pointed out dully. Your remark was not appreciated though, so you quickly looked to the side again. “Whatever.”

You may have sounded flippant, but your heart warmed at the thought that Heero considered you to be strong. He wasn’t wrong about his observation. You had always thought yourself to be mellow and weak - hence why you even started taking those fight classes after work. 

“We should get going,” you murmured as you glanced at the clock. 

Half an hour had already passed. 

“Hn.”

You smirked slightly as Heero grunted. He seemed slightly petulant about going to the med bay.

“Scared?” you couldn’t help but taunt. 

Heero glared at you for it, though his fierce scowl only made you laugh. It was a carefree sound, one full of joy and it made Heero’s lips tick upwards.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember last chapter I said that things were starting to heat up? Yes? Well, it's even more applicable to this chapter! XD

“[Name],” Sally greeted warmly as you entered the med bay. 

You blinked, not having expected her to be here. 

“Sally,” you greeted in return. “You seriously all alone in here?”

“Une thought it best if I took care of the locator. The less people know about this ...”

“Hn.”

Wow, now even you were starting to grunt. 

Sally blinked before she chuckled.

“I see Heero has been rubbing off on you.”

“Considering I’ve only been around him for two days, I say that’s ludicrous.”

“If you say so,” Sally chuckled lightly. 

“Can you look at him first, though?” you questioned as you nodded towards Heero. 

Sally’s gaze moved towards him and she sighed, the sound only conveying years of suffering and repressed agitation. 

“You’re never going to learn,” she muttered as she pointed towards a bed. 

Heero grumbled something as he passed you and sat down. The scowl on his face only made you smile. 

“Who did these?” Sally questioned as she poked and prodded Heero’s wounds. The stitches at Heero’s abdomen had torn further. The smile disappeared from your lips as you watched the blood slowly ooze from that wound. “I’ll need to reapply them,” Sally mused.

“It’s fine the way it is,” Heero commented dryly.

“Only you would claim it to be fine,” Sally muttered as she shook her head. 

“It’ll be healed by the end of the week.”

You frowned, unsure if you should even try to make a comment. Watching Sally and Heero arguing made you feel slightly uncomfortable. It reminded you of what you had missed these last four years. 

“[Name]?”

You blinked, quickly realizing you had spaced out for a long period of time. Heero was already making his way towards a nearby chair while Sally motioned towards the bed. It was your time. You warily watched the syringe Sally took of a nearby tray.

“It’s just some local anesthesia.”

“Uhu.”

You weren’t big on syringes. Sally blinked, hesitated, and then sighed deeply. 

“Still an irrational fear for needles.”

“It isn’t irrational,” you sulked. 

“Just lay down and look at the ceiling.”

You did as she told you, though you couldn’t quite relax. Each time Sally tried to approach with the syringe, you pulled away. She finally gave up and simply sighed, giving you a hard look.

“The ceiling is boring,” you pointed out as excuse.

“You need to relax. If you don’t, I will never get this done.” 

“Allow me,” Heero muttered as he approached.

Sally remained silent, though her curiosity rose at the mere fact that Heero even proposed to help. You narrowed your eyes as Heero stopped near the head of the bed. His eyes briefly caught Sally’s gaze before he looked down at you. 

You weren’t given much time to think of what he would do. The smug smirk warned you somewhat, but you still gasped in surprise when Heero simply leaned down and kissed you. You slowly relaxed the longer those skilful lips moved over your own. Your hands rose in their eagerness to delve into Heero’s hair and hold him where he was. It was only the sharp prick of the needle entering your skin that you realized just what he was doing. 

“I suppose that works as well,” Sally murmured when Heero pulled back. 

You stared at him with wide eyes, uncertain what this even meant. It was the first time you hadn’t initiated the kiss - not to mention Heero’s total lack of care towards Sally’s presence was quit strange. 

“I still don’t understand how you can be afraid of needles. You obviously had a needle puncture your skin a thousand times for this to be done.”

“That was different.”

If only slightly so. 

“How so?” Sally shot back, unimpressed with your retort.

“It had a purpose,” you grumbled.

“The purpose of having an image printed on your skin? Yes, I suppose I can completely relate to that.”

You shot her a foul look.

“Every image has a meaning.”

“And what is this then?”

“None of your damn business!”

Sally blinked as she held your gaze. She sighed when you refused to yield. Then, she focused on the tattoo. 

“I’ll make an incision along these lines. You’ll feel a little pressure,” Sally warned as she reached for her scalpel.

You decided to stare at the ceiling instead of watching her carve away your butterfly. 

“There. All done,” Sally eventually stated. 

“Finally,” you murmured. 

You watched as she taped a small butterfly stitch over the wound and covered it with gauze. 

“It should be healed by tomorrow evening.”

“Good.”

You hated the idea that your image wasn’t as pristine anymore. The gauze covering the wound broke the entire image. You frowned as your hands lightly brushed over the padding. It wasn’t like the image was ruined, but you couldn’t help the feeling that everything about it would be different now.

“[Name],” Sally began as you pulled your shirt down and got off the table. 

“Hm?”

“You’ll fight, right?”

You stared at her for a long time. You figured she knew because she was probably still Wufei’s assigned partner. You sighed. 

“Yes.”

Something about your answer made Heero scowl. You ignored him for the time being. Sally shot you a wan smile, before she nodded towards the door. 

“Considering you both are done here, I’ll take you to your room.”

You followed her as she lead the way towards the twentieth floor.

“Seriously?” you questioned as you entered the hallway.

The sight of about fifteen doors on either end of the hallway greeted you.

“These room are usually for operatives who need to be kept on base. The kitchen is at the end of the hallway next to the showers. You two are in room seven. And don’t worry about running into someone. You’re the only ones here for the moment.”

Heero grunted as he took the keys from Sally and walked down the hallway.

“Try to get him to take it easy,” Sally implored as you both watched Heero disappear into the room. 

“I doubt anyone can,” you muttered. 

Sally shot you a brief smile that belied her true sentiment.

“I know someone who can,” she mused with a sharp look at you.

“And what is that supposed to mean?” you questioned as Sally made her way back to the elevator. 

“Figure it out,” she threw back. 

You grumbled as the elevator doors closed, cutting of her soft laughter. 

“Damn it.”

You hated not knowing things.

“Get inside here,” Heero ordered as he briefly appeared in the doorway. 

“Someone’s suddenly a little bit cranky,” you grumbled, but did as he had told you.

The room wasn’t big. It held two semi-standard beds, a small table with a lamp, two chairs, and a television. There was also two water bottles and a small pizza waiting for you on the table. You wondered if they all looked like this - minus the water and the pizza of course. 

“There are no windows,” you pointed out confusedly when Heero closed and locked the door. 

“Some of these rooms are used for short-term witness protection.”

That explained a lot.

“So they’re not all like this?”

“No.”

Heero moved towards the chair and sat down. Was he in pain? It had been a long and tiring day.

“Are your wounds hurting?”

“No.”

You scoffed.

“And even if they were, you wouldn’t tell me,” you stated bitterly.

A raised eyebrow was your only answer. You grunted and rolled your eyes. Stubborn ass. 

You opened the pizza box and took out a slice. Damn, you were hungry. When was the last time you ate? Did those two forkfuls for lunch even count? You nearly devoured the pizza, before focusing on draining every last drop of water from the bottle in your hands. All the time, Heero kept his eyes on you. It was hard to say what the man was thinking and it was more than a little unsettling.

“What?” you barked, finally fed up with being stared at. 

“You have no intention of fighting.”

You froze, your gaze intently focused on Heero as you thought about your answer. 

“That’s not true.”

Heero’s eyes narrowed with suppressed anger. 

“Remember what I said about lying.”

“I’m not lying,” you stated confidently. 

It was winning for which you had no intention, therefore you hadn’t lied. You focused on closing your water bottle and safely placing it on the table while Heero contemplated ten - or possibly more, depending on how creative he wanted to be - different ways to get the truth out of you. You weren’t looking forward to any of them.

“What does it even matter,” you whispered as you grew restless from the prolonged silence.

“It matters to me.”

You shot him a dry look, a patronizing smile on your lips.

“Really?” You shook your head. “Since when?”

Other than his strange comments about recognizing you and his weird offers, it was hard to understand what drove him to do all of these things - but you seriously doubted it was because he cared. The man barely even know you after all.

“Will you fight?”

Your entire face projected your irritation. 

“No.”

Not in the manner that he wanted you to. 

“Why not?”

“You wouldn’t understand and I don’t expect you to either.”

Your voice was soft, almost lethargic. A shiver racked your form as you remembered the same apathy had appeared in the gazes of so many other fighters. You had always wondered why they gave up. It was heartbreaking that you could admit that you finally understood it now. 

“Then explain it to me,” Heero simply told you.

You shook your head. Whether you did or not, he wouldn’t understand - not unless he stood in the ring like you had done. 

“Because fighting - the fighting everyone wants from me … It leads to wining.” 

Heero’s hands fisted, the muscles in his upper arm bulging slightly beneath the bandages. You should tell him to stop doing that or there would be other wounds that would reopen as well. 

“Heero, you -”

“You want to lose that badly then?” You deflated at his accusation. Heero’s knuckles were turning white under the pressure of his own fist. “Is death really what you want?” Heero pressed. 

There was a distressed timbre in his voice that made you frown. 

“No,” you whispered sadly.

You wanted to live. You wanted to laugh with your friends and argue over stupid stuff. Your own hands fisted at your side with a strength that was born from desperation rather than anger. 

“I want to live and see everyone again. I want to grow old with someone and be able to laugh at all the stupid shit we did when we were younger. I want …,” you trailed off, your voice damn close to hysterical. You even wanted that with Heero, though the man - regardless of his offers - was still as hard to envision in your future as he once was. You shook your head, pushing those foolish thoughts aside. Your voice was a sad whisper as you continued. “I want so much, Heero. But regardless of what I want, I’m not going to kill someone like that ever again.”

“Then you’ll die.”

“So be it!”

You were ready to accept that fate and Heero seemed to finally realize it as well.

“No!” Heero’s distressed denial resounded in the room. You took a step backwards as he stood up and approached, his near murderous intent flickering in his eyes. “You will fight and you will win!”

Did he really expect you to follow that command? 

“Not going to happen,” you managed to state semi-sternly. 

You took another step backwards when Heero’s eyes darkened even more. This was getting dangerous. 

“You will,” Heero stated confidently, only coming to a stop when he stood right in front of you. 

It was strange considering you were hard pressed not to reach out. Something about him in that moment - no matter how scary Heero was with that glare - made you long to reach out and claim another kiss. 

“Heero,” you whispered. 

Something flashed in his gaze. Did he realize? 

“You will fight,” Heero stated sternly. You frowned, ready to tell him to give up already, but his touch stopped you from doing so. One hand gently tugged you closer - his fingers spread all over your side -while the other cupped your cheek. Your eyes widened as you held your breath. What was he doing? “And in return, you can have the rest of me.”

You must’ve misheard because that was a hell of a lot to just offer someone - especially if there were no true sentiments involved.

“No,” you denied wanting it. The refusal barely passed your lips with how weak it was. 

“Think about it, [Name]. You want me.”

The mere fact that he knew was devastating. Heero felt you stiffen in his hold and decided to speed up the process by leaning down and ghosting his lips across your other cheek. 

“I don’t want to win,” you tried to state firmly, but it was more of a half pleading whimper than anything else. 

Heero’s touch grew more profound, his teeth nipping at your neck - just below your ear. Your breath shook as he did so, that spot strangely sensitive. 

“You want me,” Heero repeated again. 

You did. There was no denying it. Even as Heero began to suck and nip at that spot with renewed vigor, you still tried to fight against the sensation. Heero’s hand - the one covering your tattoo just above your hip - began to slowly form circles, though he was careful not to irritate your recently acquired laceration. You had trouble even remembering how to swallow thanks to Heero’s talented and very unrelenting mouth.

“All you have to do is promise me and I’m yours.”

You craned your neck as Heero moved to another spot. His hot breath made you shiver with anticipation for those lips. You whimpered, still trying to fight through the haze that was taking over your mind. Heero was too good at this to let you regain your wits. He gently bit down where your neck and shoulder met and you tried to stifle your gasp as much as you could. 

“You’re … hurt,” you managed to push past dry lips, hoping that excuse could make you realize how badly this could end. 

Sally asked you to get him to take it easy. This didn’t exactly fit in with those plans. 

“I’m fine,” Heero growled against your skin. 

You shivered again, your own hands slowly reaching out and catching hold of Heero’s shirt. 

“I …” You were so damn close to caving. “I don’t want to be responsible for someone else’s death. Not again,” you pleaded, hoping Heero would just stop this foolishness. 

What he was asking - or offering for that matter - was just insane!

“And I don’t want you to die,” Heero stated softly.

“Everyone dies someday,” you shot back. 

Heero shook his head, his hair brushing against your cheek and neck ever so lightly. He pulled back enough so that he could look you straight in the eye, both of his hands now cradling your face.

“I know they do.”

“It’s inescapable,” you continued softly, finally - thanks to the brief break in the assault on your nerves - able to remember how to breath properly. 

“I know,” he growled. That passionate glint in his eyes only intensified. “But that doesn’t mean you will die this week.”

You worried your lower lip as you stared at Heero’s determined expression. He wouldn’t give up and you weren’t sure anymore if you wanted to keep fighting him on it. You craved him to the point of accepting anything he wanted from you, but you weren’t sure if even Heero realized what he was asking of you. Then again, did you even fully realize what exactly Heero was offering?

“And if I promise? If I promise to fight and live …”

“Then I’ll give you what you really want.”

Could you really do so, though? Even if you tried to fight and win, your leg would never last. Heero didn’t know that and perhaps you could play that to your advantage. You could weasel this offer out of Heero without him every realizing that you winning was never going to happen. It was wrong on so many levels, but the idea that you could have more of Heero before everything ended was too hard to resist. 

You nodded your head. You would try to win, even if - with your leg as damaged as it was - the effort would be futile. There would be almost nothing lost with that, for you were sure that your first blood fight would not be the victory Heero was setting his sights on. 

“Say the words,” Heero pushed, his lips briefly dominating your own and leaving you breathless.

“I promise to fight,” you stated as you followed his retreating lips. 

The kiss you wanted was denied to you as Heero avoided it.

“To win,” he stated sternly, his eyes darkening with suspicion. 

Did he suspect foul play? You seriously hoped not. 

“I’ll try to win.”

It was the best he would get from you and Heero seemed to realize that as well. 

“Remember that.”

Then those lips were sealing the deal with a passion that made you question if the man really didn’t feel anything for you. Your shirt was lifted, Heero’s fingers ghosting across your side and ribs. You pulled the material off the moment Heero released your lips and then his hands were everywhere. 

By the time you had pulled off Heero’s own shirt, you couldn’t help but hate the gauze and bandages that kept you from exploring Heero’s own body the way you wanted to. You focused on removing his pants rather than let the presence of Heero’s wounds make you hesitate. Heero was convinced his wounds were fine. Shouldn’t you then just believe it? 

A strangled moan left you as Heero’s touch grew more probing. He seemed intent on driving you crazy and it wasn’t long before you were mewling with need. As you settled on the bed - Heero looming over you with half lidded eyes - it became noticeable just how much he was straining himself. 

“Your wounds,” you murmured. 

Your hand was already brushing across the slowly coloring bandage. 

“It’s fine,” Heero still stubbornly persisted. 

“Heero -” 

He kissed you to shut you up. You might have briefly forgotten to castigate him when he kissed his way towards your breast and flicked the nipple with his tongue, but that didn’t mean that it slipped from your mind for long. 

“I’m fine,” Heero repeated none too gently, his leg forcing its way in between your own. 

Heero seemed intent to draw as many strangled moans from your lips as possible. His touch was borderline worshipping. And when he finally entered you - when he finally offered everything you could’ve ever wanted from him - you simply let it all go and enjoyed the ride. Him moving inside of you was leaving you barely able to gasp in much needed air, let alone worry about his wounds. 

Heero’s eyes were tightly narrowed in pleasure, his mouth slightly open and his arms bulging with restrained as he kept himself from moving too roughly. You weren’t sure if you liked him holding back. If this was all you would get, you wanted it to be as sincere as possible - or as sincere as it could be, considering it was nothing more than a bribery.

“Don’t hold … back … Heero,” you managed to state between thrusts. 

You wanted all of him just the way he was. If that meant having him take you harder and faster than he was currently doing than you would allow that. 

“I …” You gasped as Heero’s hips moved at a different angle. Damn that felt good! “I want it … all,” you pathetically whimpered. 

You wrapped your legs around him, urging him to take you even deeper. His chocked groan meant you had done something good. You were strung so tightly that you feared you would break and never be able to piece yourself back together. 

When Heero’s movements became slightly sloppy, you knew he was close. You clenched your inner walls, urging him to spill inside of you. The tension began to pile up inside of you. You were close, too. A broken cry soon left you as you came, your body shuddering beneath Heero’s incessant movements. It was strange how aware you were of Heero and his still ongoing search for his own breaking point. 

“Heero,” you moaned, your hands tightly gripping his lower back as he briefly stilled inside of you. 

A few more jerking thrusts of his hips followed as he rode out the feeling. Heero’s fast breaths washed warm air across your shoulder, cooling your damp skin. In that moment, you felt powerful and at peace. It was a strange sensation, but one you liked none the less - especially so if you could only think of one thing as you tightly held on to Heero.

It had been more than worth it.


	10. Chapter 10

You couldn’t will yourself to sleep. It was stupid, but you wanted to enjoy every second of this night. You drew lazy patterns across Heero’s chest, your fingers ghosting over his skin as you felt every dip and curved line across that small area you could explore without actually moving your hand.

“You should be sleeping,” Heeru muttered.

You smiled softly at how his voice still sounded slightly deeper. You shifted slightly, your cheek brushing against his shoulder as you settled an inch closer to him. 

“Someone has to keep watch and make sure you don’t bleed out.”

“I won’t,” Heero grumbled unhappily.

Your eyes shifted towards the barely visible bandages covering Heero’s abdomen, the sheet having been pulled up to just above his hip and barely hiding the staining across the gauze. You had been allowed to take another peek at them, but there was little you could do about the four torn stitches. Cleaning and redressing the wound had sadly been all that you had been capable off. Heero hadn’t allowed you to call Sally or someone else for it, still stubbornly claiming it would heal in two days time. Your worry, however, wasn’t as easily silenced as he might’ve wanted. 

“It’s barely even bleeding,” Heero continued when you didn’t respond. 

“If you say so,” you murmured, clearly not believing him. 

It seemed to bother him.

“I’m not going to die from this.”

You sighed, your eyes once more settling on the newly discovered line beneath your fingertips. 

“I know.”

Heero was stronger than anyone you had ever met. He had been through hell and back and survived. That, however, didn’t mean that you didn’t worry about him or wanted him to be without any wounds or pain. The silence stretched as you discovered how far and wide the scar beneath your fingers was. Half of it was hidden beneath the bandages, so you were unsure how far it truly reached. 

“It’s from a knife fight,” Heero softly stated. 

Your fingers briefly froze before you slowly followed the contour again. 

“Are you going to describe every gruesome detail about acquiring it?” you questioned sadly.

You wouldn’t put it past him to do so. They fact that Heero had so nonchalantly summed up his scars only hours before still lingered in your mind. It hurt to think that these wounds meant so little to him. They had no purpose except to remind him of how cheap his life was. 

You wholeheartedly disagreed with that. You had in fact blatantly pointed that out a few times while you had still been in charge of radio contact and Heero had been waiting for a retrieval team - one of the five times you could still easily remember. 

“No,” Heero grunted. Good. You weren’t sure if you could handle that right now. “But I can tell you what it means to me.”

You frowned, unsure what Heero was trying to tell you.

“What does it mean then,” you bravely pressed onwards, even though you feared his answer. 

“It signifies a risk I’m never going to take again.”

“How so?” 

You sighed, your fingers moving over the contour of the mark one last time. 

“Five years ago, I had a mission in Porto. It was the third assignment where you manned the radio at central command. I remember, because you’re the only one who never cared much for my personal mission objectives.”

You remembered the day he was describing. It had been hectic. Heero had barely survived that mission and you had bluntly called him a fool over the radio when his personal mission objective - to catch the man no matter the cost to himself - clashed with your own views of life.

“I remember,” you muttered softly. Your frown turned into a full scowl as you remembered the heated discussion that had followed. “And I remember you being a pain in my ass for it,” you added darkly.

Heero’s lips only pulled upwards at your reminder. You faltered, unsure what exactly he was enjoying so much.

“I was.” 

Heero’s gaze shifted towards the ceiling, his eyes growing slightly distant. You still didn’t understand why he was bringing it up. He had been insufferable back then. He had refused every and all orders that you were giving him. 

“You cared about the mission, yet me nearly killing myself in the process made you upset. You vowed to kill me in such a serene voice that I couldn’t help but listen. I was your responsibility therefore I was yours to kill - or so you told me.”

You frowned and rolled onto your back. You didn’t remember that day as clearly as he did. Had you really lost it that much that you had said those things to him? Given the fact that you had been way past the normally required - and legal - twelve hours of your shift, you figured it had probably slipped your mind. 

“I don’t remember it quite like that,” you mumbled.

“It was also the first time you came to visit me in the hospital.”

You froze, your breaths briefly stilling and your muscles tense. How did he remember that?! He had been deeply drugged and no one had seen you. You had also taken precautions against camera detection. You hadn’t even revealed that visit to Rani, wanting to avoid her bitching about it before she tried competing with you over it. You turned your head sideways, your eyes intently staring at Heero. 

“How do you know that was me?” you softly questioned. 

Heero stared at you from the corner of his eyes, his body never once moving as he did so. You stiffened under that watchful gaze. 

“Because Rani never mentioned it and she mentioned many things.” Heero’s expression turned sour, his barely restrained anger once more shining through. You swallowed down your rising unease and quickly looked back to the ceiling. “Things, it seemed, that were all you,” Heero added darkly. 

You flinched slightly at the barely concealed fury. You quickly rolled onto your side, your back now facing Heero. He was rightfully angry at either Rani or you, seeing as you had been talking about him behind his back. You stared at the wall in front of you, your heart thumping heavily in your throat. 

Something Heero had said kept bothering you. Why would Rani reveal what you had done as her own actions? 

“We should get some sleep. It’s probably already well past midnight,” you whispered as you tightly gripped your pillow and pushed those thoughts from your mind.

You would say anything to get him to drop this subject. You willed your heart to calm down, but it wouldn’t stop beating this crazy drum. What Heero was insinuating made you ache with hope. Could you truly believe that Heero had only been with Rani because she had pretended to be you? Thinking such a thing was both exhilarating and worrisome. 

You groaned lightly and closed your eyes. There was a blood match in your foreseeable future, one you had little possibility of surviving. Hoping and wishing for Heero’s actions to have meaning was nothing if not foolish. 

You tensed when Heero suddenly shifted. 

“You shouldn’t move too much,” you warned him tersely. 

“You admonish me for being indifferent when I summed up my scars and yet you’re allowed to fearfully hide when I tell you that there are happier memories tied to them as well.” 

“It’s not the scars that’s the issue, Heero,” you simply stated, wondering if the guy truly didn’t understand the real issue at hand. 

“Then what is?” 

You sighed, closing your eyes and bringing forth the image of you staring down at your fallen competitor. If you held on to that, you wouldn’t be inclined to do whatever it took to survive - for you didn’t want to be the woman who killed someone so she could live. And yet, if you believed Heero and let yourself hope then you would be killing people all over again. Was that really worth it? 

“Nothing,” you whispered sorrowfully, willing Heero to drop the subject. 

Heero grunted - his wounds undoubtedly aching and protesting - as he moved closer and aligned his body next to your own. 

“Heero,” you admonished, your body preparing to rise.

“Don’t move!” Heero ordered sharply.

You stilled instantly. You didn’t even dare breath too deeply for the risk of accidentally brushing against one of his wounds. Heero’s breath brushed against your neck as he settled down. One arm now wrapped around your waist - holding you close - while he leaned on his other arm so he was slightly hovering over you. 

“I’ll hurt you,” you warned when Heero relaxed against you. 

“And I’m ignoring that warning in favor of this.”

The arm that was wrapped around your waist gently moved towards your thigh. You itched to reach out and stop his wandering fingers before they reached your scar. Is this what it felt like for him when your own fingers had ghosted over his skin earlier?

“You tore your muscle,” Heero gruffly stated as his thumb brushed across the four inch long, jagged line.

What? How did he even …

You shot him a look - or tried to as best as you could without moving your body.

“You can’t know that,” you whispered heatedly before you could stop yourself.

Heero’s thumb pressed harder into your muscle and you yelped as it twitched beneath the assault. You slapped Heero’s hand away before his painful prodding would make you kick him or worse. 

“You tore your muscle and it didn’t heal properly,” Heero growled grufly.

Could you seriously believe Heero was that perceptive? 

“The hell do you know!”

“I saw your slight limp a few days ago. Not to mention that your friends weren’t as secretive with their glances or words as you thought them to be.”

Your glared at him with all you had. Damn him for piecing thing together this quickly!

“And your point in torturing me like this is what exactly?”

Heero’s lips were dangerously close to your ear, his tightly controlled breaths conveying his rising agitation. You shivered when his arm settled against the mattress on the other side of your body, his own body dangerously looming over you. Even the slightest shift would force you to bump into the wound on his abdomen. You had never felt more trapped as in that very second.

“My point is that you still have no intention of winning a single fight,” he hissed.

“I gave you what you wanted. I promised I would try,” you defended yourself.

“And how long do you think you’ll last with a leg that will give out on you after one well-aimed kick?”

You gritted your teeth. 

“Not very long,” you begrudgingly admitted. 

“Thus you lied.”

“I didn’t lie!” you vehemently stated. If only Heero would move and give you more room to breathe. You were feeling claustrophobic. “I told you I tore my thigh open in Shanghai. I also told you I didn’t want to fight again. If you didn’t connect the dots between those two then that’s on you!”

“I did connect the dots,” Heero pointed out arrogantly. 

“Very late in the game, don’t you think?” you mocked.

It wasn’t a smart move on your side, but the words were out before you could stop them. Heero’s furious growl warned you to be careful. You instantly shut up, your gaze once more intently focused on the wall in front of you. 

“You need to tell them,” Heero ordered.

You released an agitated grumble of your own, your eyes piercing into Heero’s own furious ones after a simple turn of your head.

“So they can pull me out of this? I’m sure the news that I’m alive has already reached Sasaki by now. He’ll find me whether I do this for Preventers or not.”

“I will not allow you to go out there and die!”

The rising resentment in Heero’s gaze warned you that he would force your hand in this. It would not do. You would not let him ruin everything!

In a split decision, you elbowed him in his side - hitting the mark you intended - and making him crumble. It didn’t take much effort to have him on his back and you figured it was because you took him by surprise. 

“And I will not allow you to be the fucking hero and take my place!” you yelled at him as you loomed over him with ill intentions, your knee applying pressure to one of his more serious wounds. 

Heero groaned in pain and you let up on the pressure. It was not your intention to aggravate it further than it already had been. You just needed to make a point. 

You glared at Heero with a frightening intensity as you leaned closer and harshly whispered, “I know that was what Wufei was thinking just as I know that it’s what you’ll suggest. But between the both of us, I am more wanted by that fucker and I will _always_ trump you on this.”

You were breathing hard by the time you were done. Surely Heero could understand the truth in your words. You may both be wanted by Sasaki at this point, but he would risk a lot more to get his hands on you - purely for revenge, as the man hated to be bested by anyone - then he would try to get a hold of Heero.

Heero stared at you with troublesome eyes. You were sure he would still deny it all, so you applied a bit more pressure to his wound to make him understand. He hissed, his eyes lingering on the path a single and completely ignored tear made as it slipped past your control. You ignored everything as you waited for Heero to acknowledge your message - you would do whatever was necessary to keep him from taking your place.

For ten long, tense seconds, Heero only stared at you in silence. 

“Say the words, Heero,” you menacingly demanded. 

“I can say the same to you. He may be willing to go after you first, but I will not let you do this if all you want to do is die,” Heero hissed.

Not the words you wanted to hear from him. Damn this guy’s stubborn hide!

“I told you! It’s not about dying!”

“It’s about not winning which means it’s about dying!”

It was obvious that Heero’s own semblance was crumbling under your assault. He seemed more riled up then he should be. Your hand settled on his chest, your index finger tracing the scar you had discovered earlier. Heero stiffened as you did so, but he didn’t move or say anything to stop you. 

You contemplated what he had insinuated earlier. You didn’t focus on the scar this time, but rather on the steady heartbeat beneath your palm. Your knee slipped to the side - releasing the pressure on his wound - as you simply crouched over Heero’s body. 

“I want to fight,” you sinfully admitted in a near whisper.

And it was that in which lay the problem. You stared at Heero’s scar with self-loathing as you thought about what fighting meant. A second teardrop rolled down your cheek and fell down. You wanted to win and killing someone - whether you wanted to or not - was tied to winning. It nearly broke you that you would be forced to take yet another person’s life.

Your shoulders began shaking slightly as you fought to contain the rising sorrow.

“I want to win,” you lightly sobbed with audible regret. 

You leaned backwards - straddling Heero’s hips as you sat down - and pushed the heels of your hand against your eyes as you ruthlessly brushed the tears away. It didn’t help. They kept on coming. 

Heero groaned as he sat upright, one arm easily wrapping around you and pulling you close. You buried your head against his shoulder and simply let go of all the sorrow and guilt. 

“I shouldn’t want to,” you cried out. 

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to survive.”

Your tears only flowed harder as you recognized the pain Heero’s voice conveyed. You had more than likely caused the remaining two stitches to tear. 

It took maybe an hour for you to completely calm down. Heero never mentioned anything about his pain or his wounds and you were unwilling to bring it up. For once, you preferred not to stare at the damage you had done to him. The need for sleep was what made you both settle down. You were nearly asleep - and most likely dreaming this part - when you felt Heero’s lips press against the top of your head. 

“ _I_ want you to survive, no matter the means.” 

Those softly uttered words only made you hope even harder that a life at his side could be waiting after all of this heartache. It brought you the peace you needed to completely drift off.


	11. Chapter 11

“And why exactly am I stitching you up again?” 

The words may have been spoken to Heero, but Sally’s sharp eyes were focused on you. You swallowed and guiltily looked to the side. Heero grunted when Sally prodded his abdomen a little too harshly. She was definitely not pleased about something. 

You all sat in the kitchen area. Heero was seated on a chair while Sally was stitching his wound closed again. You watched as she made her fifth one.

Wait ... 

Was she putting in extra?! Well, you wouldn’t blame her for doing so. Heero would mostly likely tear these open, too - although he couldn’t be held entirely responsible for the last ones breaking. You had been a willing participant in that. You started fearing Sally knew as well when she shot you another fierce look in between stitches.

“I came here to check up on the tracker under [Name]’s skin, not to stitch you up again, Yuy.”

Her words got only sharper when neither of you spoke up or tried to offer her an excuse. 

“If you keep this up, Une won’t let you join the assault team,” Wufei gruffly stated. 

You frowned, your eyes immediately shifting towards Wufei who was leaning against the doorway in exactly the same way as you were leaning against the wall behind Heero. The guy’s sharp gaze, however, was on you and you quickly looked away. What was it with both of him and Sally and their need to stare you down?

“He shouldn’t even be on the assault team,” you muttered unhappily. 

Not that it was your decision to make. Heero had petitioned it early in the morning and Une had allowed it. Your opinion on the matter was not asked nor needed. 

“My thoughts exactly,” Sally murmured as she made the last stitch. 

You counted seven of them - which was ridiculous for a two inch cut! 

“I need to be there,” Heero simply grumbled, shooting you a sharp look.

Did he seriously still think you were going to break your promise? You glared back as you realized that it was the most likely option. 

“Regardless of what you think you need, your wounds -”

“Won’t stop me,” Heero interrupted Sally sharply. 

Even she looked taken aback by the heated quality of Heero’s voice. Sally briefly glanced at Wufei, who only nodded in answer. Whatever her remark was, Wufei was agreeing with it wholeheartedly and that made Sally smile. 

“Well, you always were a stubborn bastard,” she stated a little too joyfully. 

You blinked at the sudden change in attitude. It was strange.

“You’re all insane,” you grumbled. 

“Insane or not, it’s time to check up on you.”

“It’s fine. Healed perfectly already.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Sally sternly stated. 

You sighed and lifted your shirt. Sally blinked at your lack of gauze or butterfly stitch. 

“It came off during my sleep,” you offered her in a terse voice. 

Your glare warned her not to push for answers and Sally thankfully shrugged in answer, before she started prodding your flesh.

“Feels about right. But just to make sure …”

You blinked as Sally stood up and moved away. 

“Why don’t you give it a feel, Wufei?” Sally challenged. 

You watched Wufei approach with narrowed eyes. He shrugged as you met his eyes, before he focused on trying to find the locator. 

“It healed nicely,” he muttered. 

“It was only a small cut and the dark ink hides the slight scabbing,” Sally proudly stated. 

“It’s my body. Shouldn’t I be the one feeling proud about it all?”

“Go ahead,” Sally shot back with a careless shrug. 

You rolled your eyes. 

Wufei brought out a small metal detector, scanning your side with the machine. It’s alert sounded almost nonstop as Wufei moved it over your tattoo. 

“It looks good,” he stated as he moved away.

“If you weren’t together with my sister, I’d think you were flirting with me, Wufei,” you mockingly stated. 

Wufei stiffened, the flash of unease in his eyes slightly worrisome. 

“Sorry to burst your bubble, but you’re not my type,” Wufei gruffly stated.

The words seemed to pack more heat than was necessary. 

“Good. ‘Cause you’re not my type either,” you sourly muttered.

You covertly glanced at Heero. He wasn’t outright glaring at Wufei, but even you could see that there was no friendly light in his eyes.

“[Name]?” You turned towards Sally. She looked worried. “Are you absolutely certain about this?”

“Isn’t it a little too late to be having second thoughts? I’m sure you already spread the word that I’m alive and in Brussels.”

“We have,” Wufei stated as he once more leaned against the doorway. 

You shrugged as you shot Sally a soft smile. 

“Don’t you worry, Sally. I’ll kick their asses.”

Her worry didn’t ease, but there was little you could say that could change that. 

“The plan is to drop you in the northern part of the city after midnight.”

“No,” you quickly refused. Wufei frowned, clearly not happy with your disapproval. “If I’m really trying to avoid Sasaki, I would be going out in the day. Preferably around rush hour. It’s all about having less chance to have him grab me.”

“It will be hard to keep an eye on you.”

“And here I thought that was what the tracker was for,” you drawled.

That seemed to work well enough to shut Wufei up. He glared at the ground for a few seconds, most likely thinking it over. 

“How do you think he’ll make his move?” Sally pressed. 

You shrugged.

“Who knows.”

“Be a little more resourceful in your answers, Woman,” Wufei grumbled irritably.

You shot a dull look at Wufei. What was up with him? 

“I say it how it is. Besides, it’s not like I’ve been going along with Sasaki as he grabs people from the streets,” you pointed out. 

“We know,” Sally quickly stated as she tried to calm your slowly rising annoyance. She sighed. “It’s just frustrating to work on this case for so long and always have him slipping through our fingers.”

“Men like him always have an ear out for radio chatter. You know that. He most likely has a few lower officers on his client list. Those who like to place bets. In return for their entrance, they pay with information on possible busts.”

It was the best you could come up with.

“It would’ve been more practical if you could give us names,” Wufei muttered unhelpfully, the frown on his face only growing more profound.

“Practical, sure, but not bloody likely.” 

As if Sasaki talked business around his fighters.

“We should meet with Une to discuss the details and prepare our assault plan,” Wufei muttered next, completely ignoring your earlier reply. 

“I’d say take it easy and rest, but seeing how well that worked out the last time I said it …,” Sally trailed off with a sharp look at Heero and a slightly curious one at you. 

“Not my fault,” you just muttered with a shrug. 

Even though it had been partially your fault. 

“We’ll be back around midday to brief you about the Commander’s decision,” Wufei stated as he turned and left. 

“Sure.”

“Behave,” Sally pointedly ordered as she followed after her partner.

“Do you think she actually believes we’ll follow that order?” you questioned Heero.

“Hn.”

The small twitch of lips proved that Heero didn’t believe that for a second.

“I’m going to lie down,” you murmured as you pushed off from the wall and wandered towards room number seven. 

Heero followed silently - not that you had expected anything less. You immediately crawled on top of the bed and lay on your back, one arm carelessly raised and flung across your eyes. 

“The suspense is gonna kill me,” you grumbled unhappily. You hated waiting.

“Don’t even joke about that,” Heero muttered. 

You flung your arm to the side and shot him a dull look. Heero, however, wasn’t paying you much attention. His entire focus was on the visible parts of your tattoo - seeing as your shirt had risen up at your earlier movements. His touch - though seemingly hesitant at best - wasn’t unexpected or unwelcomed. 

“Who designed it?” 

You had been expecting questions about your tattoo last night. Even then Heero had been silently staring at the lines as his fingers traced each and every one of them - which was the reason the gauze and butterfly stitch had come off.

“I did,” you breathlessly whispered. 

Thankfully, Heero ignored the breathless quality of your voice. 

“What does it mean?”

You stared at the ceiling rather than at the strangely intense look in Heero’s eyes.

“That things can change if you wait for it. That it’s hard work to redefine yourself, but that it’s doable even if you’re alone.”

Just like a caterpillar could become a cocoon and then a butterfly, yet that transition cost time. If the butterfly wanted to survive, it had to work hard to crawl out of the cocoon without any help. 

The puff of warm air across your skin warned you that Heero was leaning closer. The sensation of his lips pressing against the lines quickly followed. Your muscles tightened and your gaze automatically zoomed in on him as he placed another kiss on the wings of your butterfly. That was where the tracker was located. 

Even that small touch made you want so much more. It wasn’t smart to give in to it. Sally had only just stitched Heero back up. It wouldn’t do to have them tear again only minutes later. When Heero placed a third kiss on your hip - where the cocoon was drawn - you had to stop him or risk forgetting about all of it. 

“Heero,” you warned him in a voice that belied your need. 

His eyes flickered towards your own. You gasped when you saw the heat in his gaze. The bastard knew perfectly well how you would react. Without breaking eye-contact, Heero once more leaned down and placed a fourth kiss on the outer edge of your tattoo. 

Oh fuck it!

You were straddling his lap not ten seconds later. The lazy tilt to his lips told you he had been expecting it. Your lips met and you lost yourself in the rising heat. You would try to keep Heero’s strain to a minimum, but you were dead set on experiencing all he had to offer you.

“No marks,” you warned as Heero ghosted his lips across your throat. 

He nipped once, twice, but was careful not to leave a mark. You didn’t think he needed the warning -seeing as he had managed to not leave a mark yesterday either - but something in the way Heero took hold of your hips told you of his hidden desire to do just that.

Your hands roamed his skin. He had opted not to put his shirt back on after Sally had taken a look at his wounds. Most of his shallower cuts didn’t need to be hidden away beneath bandages and gauze anymore and you had more places to roam. 

Your own skin was revealed with slightly hurried movements. The more access Heero had to your body, the more frantic his touch became. He needed this just as much as you did. This wasn’t about exploring new grounds or simply satisfying earlier discovered attraction. It was about unvoiced sentiments and a promise to remember.

You let Heero enter you with one smooth roll of your hips, moving them on your own volition. Each roll made him slide that much deeper. One broken gasp was all you allowed to pass your lips, before you bit down on Heero’s shoulder - the very action making him groan - to stifled any other sound that wanted to pass your lips. 

The sex was sloppy at best, but still amazing and fulfilling. You felt him stiffen inside of you, before his muscles relaxed. His hands, however, didn’t stop their wandering. He may have just reached his peak, but he was hell bend on offering you the same as he reached between your bodies. He soon had you falling over the edge. You stifled your broken cry and tightly closed your eyes. 

“I will come for you, [Name]. No matter what,” Heero promised with one last, deep kiss. 

And you silently vowed that you would hold on until he did.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to move forward, but can you truly trust those around you? Don't hesitate to let me know what you think =)

“Rani?” 

“[Name],” Rani whispered with a slightly tense smile on her lips. 

Your gaze shifted towards Wufei. 

“She’ll be your driver,” the man explained.

“I thought one of you would drop me of there,” you whispered with a glance at Sally.

“Are you objecting to it being me?” Rani questioned softly. 

You frowned. 

“No. It’s just … Never mind.”

You shrugged. Whatever reason Rani had for doing this, you would find out soon enough. The look in her eyes alone foretold a hefty conversation during that drive and you were not looking forward to it.

“We’re going to drop you off at Bockstael. It will give you the cover you need,” Wufei continued in a tense voice.

You nodded your head, agreeing with their plan so far. If only Wufei would relax. He was making you tense.

“An agent is already on site and will be tailing you as best as she can,” Sally murmured as she placed a hand on your shoulder.

“I doubt that’s wise,” you pointed out. 

“Wise or not. That tracker’s still a prototype and this entire operation is too delicate to leave things to chance.”

Wufei’s words were sharp and forceful. He was clearly not entirely happy with how things were. Was it you? He hadn’t been like this yesterday or even early this morning. 

“Understood,” you simply muttered.

“Good.” Wufei briefly nodded towards Sally.

“Be careful, [Name],” Sally pleaded before she turned and left. 

“Where is she going?”

“We all have our parts to play,” Wufei only grumbled. 

You sincerely hoped he wasn’t going to join you on the way to the drop-off point. If he was, it would be one hell of a tense and awkward ride.

“[Name],” Heero called out as he gently grabbed your hand. 

With one slight tug, he pulled you towards him. You instantly relaxed when one arm wrapped around you. 

“Fight. Win. For me.”

There was no denying the severity of those words. You watched him and wondered not for the first time what it was that made him act like this. You shot him a soft smile and nodded your head. 

“We should get going,” Rani muttered. 

You were about to turn towards her when Heero leaned down. Your eyes widened at his bold move. Offering you things in relative privacy was one thing, kissing you as fiercely as he was now was a completely perplexing but not a displeasing thing. You moaned softly when he sucked on your bottom lip. 

“Heero,” you muttered. 

“Don’t forget,” he stated softly, his fingers lightly caressing your cheek. 

You shook your head. 

“Doubt I’ll be able to,” you confessed unintentionally. 

Those lips pulled up again. 

“You should leave if you don’t want to be late,” Wufei’s gruff warning pulled you away from your heavenly moment. 

“Yeah.”

You pulled away from Heero, your hand slightly lingering on his shoulder as you did so. Rani was watching Heero with slightly narrowed eyes. A tension inside of you began to build as you recognized that look. It had never meant anything good in the past.

“Lead the way, Rani.”

Rani turned and briefly pressed herself against Wufei -whose arm wrapped around her waist as he leaned down to lovingly kiss her cheek.

“Stay safe.”

“Always,” she softly stated before pulling away. 

You followed her as she lead the way towards the underground parking garage. The entire elevator ride down was strangely tense. You nearly jumped out of your skin when the small _dong_ sounded as the elevator reached its destination.

“Jumpy, aren’t you?” Rani questioned worriedly.

“Yes, I …” You sighed deeply, running a hand through your hair. “I’m going to walk into my worst nightmare come true. I figure I’m entitled to being jumpy,” you murmured miserably.

Rani held up her hands in quiet surrender.

“I’m not saying you can’t. I can’t even imagine all that you’ve been through.”

You entered the car, the slamming of the door seeming so final. 

“Hell and back, Rani. I can’t describe it any better than that.”

Your sister shot you a sad smile as she started the car. 

“It’s really admirable to go back there then,” she murmured, maneuvering the car out of the parking space.

“That or just plain old foolish, but I … I can’t let them convince Heero to go.”

“What do you mean?”

“You told me he wasn’t an active agent anymore,” you pointed out.

Rani shot you a soft frown, but nodded her head.

“Yeah. He got reassigned a few days before you transferred to Milan. He said he did that for me,” she fondly remembered.

“And I prefer to keep him from ever having to put his life on the line again.”

“[Name],” Rani sighed as she turned a corner. 

She shot you a sad look you had seen before. It was the same one she had given you when you had been thirteen years old and she had told you that Remy - a guy you were quite smitten with at the time - and she had started dating. It had also been in her gaze again when she had told you that Ander had kissed her even when the guy had been dating you for two months already. The last time you had seen it was when she had told you Heero and her had started dating. 

“You need to be careful around him.”

“Around who?”

“Heero.”

You tensed, ready for just about anything she could tell you.

“Why?”

“I’m just saying that maybe he isn’t as honest about all of this as you think he is.”

“Just say what you mean already,” you hissed, your eyes narrowed in your anger. 

Rani had to stop for a red light. She shot you a look that conveyed her worry and sadness. 

“I heard them talking the other day. Heero and Wufei, I mean. Wufei was chastising him for not telling you the truth.”

The light turned green. The car started moving again, but you were barely aware of it. All you could feel was the beating of your heart and the trepidation that made breathing almost unbearable. 

“The truth about what?”

“That he was using you.”

No. You didn’t believe this! You gritted your teeth. 

“You’re just jealous,” you accused her.

“Why should I be? I’m with Wufei.”

She had a point.

“I …”

“He’s done it before, you know. Lied to a woman and used her to get to someone.”

“Even if that were true, then why am I the one going to face Sasaki?”

Rani shrugged. 

“I don’t know. He’s hurt. Maybe that’s why. Or maybe he thinks he can do more good on the assault team than as the bait.”

You didn’t believe that. Heero had vehemently protested against the idea of you going. He had made you all those offers to keep you alive, not to have you be the idiot you were being and going to the lion’s den unprotected.

“Or maybe it’s because you can carry that tracker while Heero can’t. He would’ve gone in blind without any backup,” Rani whispered. 

“That makes no sense at all, Rani,” you stubbornly persisted. Heero was more than what she was describing him as. There was no way he would -

“Or maybe he’s trying to get back at me,” Rani whispered that sinfully confession with obvious sorrow and shame. Her words caused you to freeze and stare at her in shock. 

“W-what?”

“We didn’t exactly part on the best of terms. We were together for quite some time, but I chose Wufei over him. I guess that still stings and now he’s trying to replace me with you.”

Your lifelong low self-esteem made you less willing to deny those words. It wouldn’t be the first time someone chose Rani over you or used you to get back at her for dumping them. It would also explain why Heero had kissed you in front of Rani and Wufei. 

Was Heero really that type of man? Could he truly be using you to make Rani jealous? 

“We’re almost there,” Rani whispered. 

You glanced at the busy streets. You could hardly focus on what you had to do. No, all you truly longed for was a long cry in some secluded corner where no one could find you. Your heart felt heavy now that your doubt was stirred, but you refused to allow Rani to see how much her words had hurt you. 

“Drop me off here,” you muttered.

“But Wufei said -”

“I don’t care what he said. Here is fine.”

“I …”

“Rani, please,” you begged her, your voice thankfully not yet breaking.

“Okay,” she finally caved. 

She pulled over the car and you got out. You didn’t care if you were breaking protocol or that Preventers weren’t counting on this. All you could feel was a deep need to get away from that car and the lies Rani was spinning - lies that sounded logical enough to believe. 

It was in that fashion that you wandered the streets. You didn’t know where you went or how you got there. All you could accomplish was placing one foot in front of the other as your mind went in circles. 

If Rani’s words were true, it explained a lot. Heero had done what he needed to in order to acquire information on Sasaki - a chance he might not have been counting on, but seized with both hands. When Wufei had shown up, you had been the one to foolishly offer yourself as bait. The only reason Heero offered anything to you was because he knew that Rani would be very upset with him if you died. And that kiss earlier had not been about you and reminding you of everything you could have if you lived. No, it had been about making Rani jealous. 

…

Right? 

No!

No, you refused to continue thinking like that. Heero had no ulterior motive! You just needed to get through this and then you could talk to him about -

“Don’t scream and keep on moving,” a sharp voice warned you as something was pressed painfully into your back. 

Was he holding a gun? 

“Keep walking,” the man warned you in a sharp tone when you stumbled over your feet. 

You quickly resumed your normal pace. 

“Someone has been searching for you for a long time, [Name].”

Damn it! You had been foolish to let your guard down. 

“I can’t wait,” you grumbled and turned on him, certain this man would not shoot you in the middle of the street.

You managed to punch him twice before a sharp pain in your neck made you groan and crumble. The world grew dark around you while the frightened screams of a few passerby’s echoed through the air.


End file.
